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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27633224">You've Got A Sister Now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaraMelMercury/pseuds/ZaraMelMercury'>ZaraMelMercury</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>IronWidow appreciation [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Attempt at Humor, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes &amp; Steve Rogers Friendship, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Makeup, Natasha Romanov &amp; Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov Knows All, Panic Attacks, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Platonic Relationships, Post-Break Up, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:00:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27633224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaraMelMercury/pseuds/ZaraMelMercury</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since the events of the Avengers' Civil War. Tony Stark is trying to pick up the pieces of his life, while juggling his work, his remaining friendships, getting therapy sessions for Rhodey and dealing with government politics, as well as the Accords.</p><p>It is a bit rough, but he's got Pepper (always a steady rock by his side), Rhodey, Happy and the Kid- Peter Parker. Tony would never admit to it up front and center, but you could always catch a proud look on the man's face whenever the young Spiderling was mentioned!</p><p>Life seemed to be looking up...</p><p>Except for one, minor detail:</p><p>Steve Rogers. </p><p>The hope for one reconciliation, surprisingly, led to another!</p><p> A new bond that would form that Tony would ultimately always be thankful for.</p><p>"Oh, I wanna take it back!... "<br/>"No, no, no, you can't retract it!"</p><p>Who would've thought it?</p><p>Tony Stark has a sister looking out for him, after all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Natasha Romanov &amp; Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>IronWidow appreciation [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020466</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, I'd say this is my first "major" fic. Since it's a fix-it with multiple chapters - at least more than two or three - and it deals with canonical events and it has a full story arc- it has a beginning, a middle and an ending.</p><p>This fic will dive deeper into Tony and Natasha's relationship that I feel the MCU didn't cherish enough, especially when their dynamic is equally sweet and badass😎 as seen in Iron Man 2 and Civil War.</p><p>I'm also Team Iron Man, so the first three chapters will show Team Cap giving Tony the apology he deserves and, since I'm an extra salty person, I decided to make Steve suffer in this fic 😈 since I feel his apology sucked BIG TIME!</p><p>So, he will also be trying to make it up to Tony.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Tony, I … Listen I- uh… uhm…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Breathe, Steve. Just Breathe…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I...uhm, I just wish I'd- <em>ugh!</em>”</p><p>Steve sighed, incredibly frustrated with himself. He anxiously wrung his hands together and cursed his stupidity. </p><p>
  <em>'Speak like the intelligent human being you're supposed to be!' </em>
</p><p>There was a man standing a few feet in front of Steve.</p><p>The blonde's words, albeit embarrassing, were lodged deep in his throat. He couldn't force out a single word to the man. </p><p>And Tony's glare was hard, cold and it was deadly as he stood stern like a wall with his eyes on Steve. </p><p>The captain tried to avoid it. </p><p>‘<em>Sam can get his ten bucks later then</em>,’ the captain thought snarkily.</p><p>
  <em>“Punk, you know that we both got faith in you,” Bucky had told him the morning before Steve had boarded the Quinjet, “And it doesn’t matter what Sam says. And, even though I pride myself on having the ability to, somehow, always believe in your dumbass the <strong>MOST</strong>, I’m not gonna bag myself on false hope here, Stevie! Because, we <strong>both</strong> know that you’re not the smoothest with your words when it comes to matters in the love department. But please, I’m <strong>begging</strong> you here, Punk! Don’t make me lose ten bucks to Sam just because you can’t form a coherent apology to your fella!” </em>
</p><p>Having Bucky as your part-time voice of reason had its perks, ironically.</p><p>One of those perks was the ability to be able to hear him clearly in your head, giving you a snark lecture with the occasional ‘<em>Don’t mess this up!</em>’ and the favourable, <em>‘I <strong>knew</strong> you would mess this up!’</em> afterwards.</p><p>Steve <strong>didn’t</strong> want to mess this up though. </p><p>He didn’t want to face Bucky’s <em>‘reality check!</em>’ lectures.</p><p>He didn’t want to see that knowing, <em>pitying</em> look that Buck would always give him whenever Steve got shut down trying to be social with other people. Back when he was still the scrawny, asthmatic kid from Brooklyn... </p><p>Bucky always meant well and he tried his damn hardest to not let it show, but even back then, Steve would easily picked up on that look in his best friend’s eyes whenever they would go out to the bar or see whatever Brooklyn had to offer them…</p><p>But Bucky had to focus on getting himself better right now. And Steve was more than capable enough to stick up for his own skin! </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Right?... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t need to give his best friend more worry- he didn’t need to add more fear into those eyes whenever Bucky would come to rescue him during one or more of those back-alley fights. </p><p>Being shut down for standing up for what he believed was right, never did bother Steve as much as Bucky feared it did.</p><p> </p><p>But that was all before Tony.</p><p>Beautiful, intelligent and <em>infuriatingly stubborn </em>Tony! </p><p> </p><p>And if Tony ended up shutting him down, Steve didn’t want to walk away knowing he didn’t put up a fight in trying to get the love of his life back. </p><p>With this new found motivation back in his head, he tried to find his voice again.</p><p>“Tony, will - would you- I mean- would you ever-?“ Steve swallowed, forcing the tears down.</p><p>
  <em>'No Steve! Pull yourself together now, come on! Tony called you in to talk, so the least you can do is not break down in front of him like a damn five-year old!'</em>
</p><p>He drew in a deep breath, his body shuddering, and decided to focus on Tony’s shoes. </p><p>Steve couldn’t let himself drown in those beautiful, brown eyes he still loved so much.</p><p>“Look, Tony…” he began softly, “You- you told me once before, if- if you can remember… I, uh… I’d just woken up from another nightmare about Bucky- “</p><p>There it was. </p><p>Tony feared so much he wouldn't be able to conceal his pain once <em>his </em>name was mentioned. </p><p>Something like a flicker of pain flashed across the genius' face, hearing Bucky’s name fall off of Steve’s lips. </p><p>It just somehow made the situation even more <em><strong>real</strong></em> to Tony: Steve had chosen <em><strong>Bucky</strong></em>…</p><p>Steve walked away with <strong><em>Bucky</em></strong> in his arms…</p><p><em>Bucky’s</em> name would fall off of those lips more often now, not Tony’s name anymore.</p><p>And Tony had tried his damn hardest to forgive Barnes, he <em>really</em> had!</p><p>He couldn’t even count the number of hours he had spent lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and continuously replaying the events in Siberia.</p><p>All that happened between them.</p><p> </p><p>Over and over…</p><p> </p><p>Replaying the conversations he’d had with Steve, right up until the moment he’d-</p><p><em>‘Nope! <strong>No!</strong> Nuh-uh, there’s no way I’m gonna let that memory take over now. No sir-ee!’</em> Tony thought to himself.</p><p>He shook his head heavily. </p><p>Point was: looking back, despite everything, Tony had somehow found it in him to at least <em>understand</em> Barnes’ side. He understood the Winter Soldier’s motives.</p><p>Yet, understanding <strong>didn’t</strong> mean <em>forgiving</em>…</p><p>Maybe in time, Tony reasoned, he’d be able to make peace with it… but for now, he couldn’t deny that it still hurt. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, Steve didn’t notice it – that flash of hurt- but he knew, all the same, mentioning Bucky’s name would’ve caused some reaction from Tony.</p><p>Gosh, he just wanted to launch himself over to the man standing before him and kiss him senseless! </p><p>Just to be able to <em>hold</em> Tony forever, safely against Steve’s own chest felt like something too far away. </p><p>He so <em><strong>desperately</strong></em> wanted to feel Tony in his arms again, and take all that pain away from Tony’s heart into his own. </p><p>Steve never wanted to let this beautiful man in front of him ever experience that pain again. </p><p>A <em>most</em> futile notion if such one ever existed, but Steve had always been one for optimism, even to the point of ignorance.</p><p>A good example was the fact that he obviously thought he could’ve kept both Tony <em>and</em> Bucky and live happily ever after. </p><p>Clearing his throat, he continued, “You, uhm… you held me close… and… and just so gently. I uh…”</p><p>Steve breathed out a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, shyly, “I just felt so <em>stupid</em> crying over something that couldn’t be changed… and crying over someone who I thought I’d lost.</p><p>“Because- because he was gone then, so I- I felt so bad that so many tears were being used for him, when <strong>you</strong> were the one at my side, Tony! You were the one who- who held me and kissed me so sweetly and... and even forced me to skip my morning run just to catch up on sleep!”</p><p>Steve's laugh came out strained and thick with unshed tears.</p><p>
  <em>'This is obviously <strong>not</strong> going to plan Steve! Get a hold of yourself. The memories will just cause both of you more pain!' </em>
</p><p>Looking up, he saw rivulets of tears run down Tony’s face. </p><p>His face was pained. His eyes pinched tight and his mouth set in a thin line.</p><p>He looked <em>so</em> <em>torn</em>!</p><p>Steve quickly moved on, “Sorry, sorry! Not important right now, the, uh... the letting me sleep- sleep in thing- I-uh- ughm-" </p><p><em>'In. Out. In. Out. Just like you practised Steve. Come on. Just breathe</em>. ' </p><p>Tony stared at the blond, trying not to let his facade falter. He <em><strong>did</strong></em> remember that night; he remembered all of Steve’s worst nights haunted by bad dreams.</p><p><em>That</em> particular evening being pretty bad actually….</p><p>Which is why that sinking feeling dropped into his stomach…</p><p>Because Tony remembered the conversation they’d had afterwards…</p><p>And he knew the next few words that would come out of Steve’s mouth-</p><p><em>'<strong>No</strong>, no! Just-just keep calm Tony. You might not be thinking about the same conversation! You two said <strong>many</strong></em> things<em> to each other over the years. </em></p><p>
  <em>'You’re <strong>tired</strong>, that’s all! Yeah… yeah, you’re just tired, because you only had two cups of coffee this morning- not your usual four and a half. You can yell at F.R.I.D.A.Y later for that. Stay neutral. No emotion. Stark Men are-' </em>
</p><p>He looked up. </p><p>'<em>Ohh <strong>God</strong>, Steve’s looking at me now! … </em></p><p>
  <em>'Damn those beautiful, blue eyes! Oh No…oh no! No <strong>please</strong>! Steve’s crying again! I hate seeing him cry- </em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Oh, for God’s sake, Tony, pull yourself together! <strong>HE</strong> lost <strong>YOU</strong>- his fault, his choice- <strong>not yours!</strong> Let him feel that pain! He <strong>deserves</strong> your fury- </em>
</p><p>
  <em>'But I- </em>
</p><p>
  <em>'No! Stop!' </em>
</p><p>Tony tried to get a hold of his thoughts.</p><p>Steve saw the whole thing unfolding: Tony’s face just automatically went blank- shutting down like a computer. </p><p>The wires; the gears in his head turning and turning…</p><p>Tony didn’t do emotions.</p><p>Tony couldn’t handle too many emotions.</p><p>Growing up with Howard Stark sought to that. </p><p>
  <em>Stark men are made of iron! </em>
</p><p>Steve remembered how <strong>scared</strong> Tony looked as he repeated that line to himself!</p><p>It was as if the brunette had expected Howard to drunkenly stumble in at that very moment and beat his son bloody, if he couldn’t recite that mantra by heart. </p><p>Steve had tried so desperately to calm Tony down from that panic attack, while the mantra was mumbled over and over…</p><p>It still sent chills down Steve’s spine …</p><p>On most occasions, to see Tony short circuit like that was quite adorable- only because Steve would normally be the one drowning the genius in compliments that Tony didn’t know what to do with. </p><p>He loved his modest, blushing boyfriend so much.</p><p><em>'Ex-boyfriend now,'</em> Steve corrected himself.</p><p>But seeing Tony like <em>this</em>?</p><p>
  <em>'Oh, when would he learn to get out of his own head?!' </em>
</p><p>“Tony?” Steve called out softly.</p><p>Almost immediately, Tony came back into himself.</p><p>He shook his head quickly and focused on Steve. The genius bowed his head, blushing, showing his embarrassment for zoning out.</p><p>Tony would always be willing to give his undivided attention the minute he heard Steve call his name.</p><p>It was one of the many things Steve loved and had missed about Tony this past year. </p><p>He gave Tony a small smile, showing they could brush off that incident. </p><p>With Tony’s full focus on him again, Steve decided there was no point in beating around the bush anymore.</p><p>He drew in another breath, bracing himself mentally, and finally got those words out: “You said you understood. Understood why I was still crying so much, because you theorised that Bucky was –was – well, he’s... he's like my Rhodey.”</p><p> </p><p>There was silence.</p><p> </p><p>Steve sat on the stool by the breakfast bar, gripping the seat in agitation and watched Tony, waiting for his reaction.</p><p>He didn’t dare move an inch.</p><p>Steve’s eyes were widened saucers- scared like a toddler would be after being caught eating half the cookie jar and waiting for his parents’ punishment that involved a cane or a belt. </p><p>His leg jiggled.</p><p>Tony’s expression was unreadable.</p><p>It felt weird-</p><p>
  <b> <em>No! </em> </b>
</p><p>It actually felt quite <em>eerie. </em></p><p>Tony just stood there, as still like a life-size wax figure, his eyes nothing but a black void… staring straight at Steve.</p><p>Just staring…</p><p>Steve shifted unnervingly in his seat. It felt like Tony was peeling off his skin only with the power of his eyes. </p><p>Then, the second weirdest thing happened:</p><p>Slowly…</p><p> </p><p>Inch by inch…</p><p> </p><p>Like in a horror movie... a wide, sadistic smile crept onto Tony’s face. </p><p>It became wider and wider …</p><p>His teeth were showing like fangs. His eyes turned <strong>darker</strong>… it had an <em>evil</em> glint in them that sent chills up and down Steve’s spine <em>twice</em>!</p><p>And then Tony laughed.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Tony was laughing?! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tony was laughing! </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What?! </em>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>Why</strong> was Tony laughing?</p><p>Jesus! He’s laughing like a madman on drugs!</p><p>What?!</p><p> </p><p>Tony had collapsed onto the floor and was cackling mad like the Joker! Like he’d just escaped from an asylum!</p><p> </p><p><em>Was</em> Tony on meds and he just didn’t take them today?</p><p> </p><p>Was he experiencing some type of side-affect from his meds?</p><p> </p><p>Steve just sat there, completely frozen and <strong>completely</strong> scared to the bone while Tony clutched at his stomach and howled with more laughter!</p><p>The blonde had never felt more uncomfortable. The tears that flowed from Tony’s eyes just scared him even more!</p><p>Was Tony going into shock? Was he trying to process this by laughing <em>and</em> crying at the same time?</p><p>“Tony? Tony, please you’re scaring me right now! Tony!”</p><p>Steve stood and walked slowly over to Tony, who was still laughing on the living room floor that was connected to the communal kitchen at the compound.</p><p>The furniture was arranged at an angle that pointed to the glass wall on Steve’s right, so the team could sometimes watch the sunsets, or stargaze, or Jarvis could even pull up the flat-screen off to side. That way, some could watch TV and the others could still enjoy the view.</p><p>Steve took the long way around the back of all the furniture, so as not to get in Tony’s space. Once the low coffee table was between them and Steve set himself slowly down onto the couch, he leaned forward slightly and tried to talk to Tony again, who now, at least, was only chuckling softly and not cackling like a mad witch anymore.</p><p>“Tony, <em>please!</em> Do I need to get you something? Do I need to alert F.R.I.D.A.Y? I admit, this is quite terrifying. Please stop freaking me out, <em>Tony please</em>?” he begged.</p><p>Steve reached out a hand to touch Tony’s shoulder-</p><p>“<strong>NO!</strong> No, you ARE <strong>NOT</strong> coming near me, Rogers! Don’t EVEN THINK about touching me!”</p><p>Quicker than the speed of light, was Tony back on his feet!</p><p>He leapt up so suddenly that it gave Steve whiplash! He staggered back a few steps too. </p><p>Tony’s eyes were blown wide and he was panting heavily- any trace of former mania vanished. He was hyper aware of all his senses; hyper aware of his surroundings and he was deathly focused on Steve. Tony’s arms were raised, palms up facing Steve, thinking he had his Iron Man gauntlet on and was ready to blast Steve to oblivion!</p><p><em>'In predatory mode,'</em> Steve realised.</p><p>The air got knocked out of his lungs. He huffed out a breath.</p><p>He had done this…</p><p>Steve’s stomach clenched. Something twisted inside him… Something heavy sunk down in his gut.He was going to vomit! …  </p><p>He had done this to Tony!</p><p>One <strong><em>horrible</em></strong> move on Steve’s part… That one horrible moment back in Siberia… A moment that he couldn’t take back, no matter how much he wanted to!</p><p><em><strong>Slicing</strong></em> Tony’s arc reactor with Steve’s own shield?!</p><p>Steve couldn’t breathe now; he couldn’t think!</p><p>Tony just looked so scared!</p><p>
  <em>Tony was scared of Steve! </em>
</p><p>“Oh Tony!” Steve whispered, “I – I didn’t know, I- “</p><p>“Didn’t you?!” Tony fired back. His voice was thick with venom; his eyes blazed with a fury unimaginable to man.</p><p>“Let us then take look at some of the points here, Rogers, shall we? Huh?! Let’s take a look at how a CERTAIN, TWO-FACED SON OF A JACKASS CAPTAIN- “</p><p>Steve flinched.</p><p>He knew he deserved those words- no denying it! -but Tony’s body was visibly quaking with so much rage contained inside him, Steve was so scared that, the moment that rage was released, Tony would do something he would definitely regret later.</p><p>“Tony, please… Let’s just- “</p><p>“I’m not done talking, Rogers! This time, <em>you</em> listen okay? This time, your opinion won’t be the first one I’m always forced to listen to, capuche?”</p><p>Steve nodded dumbly, realising he wouldn’t be able to get a word in. Tony was surprised by that, when he saw Steve sit back down without an argument, but he nodded stiffly when the rogue Avenger complied to his wishes.</p><p>
  <em>'Wow, he actually sat down! He actually listened to me! Small victory I guess.' </em>
</p><p>Taking a couple of deep breaths, Tony calmed himself down a little and decided to start again. He wouldn’t lose his cool.</p><p>He didn’t want to lose his cool, but the <strong>NERVE</strong> of Steve to-</p><p>
  <em>'Breathe Tony! Breathe…'</em>
</p><p>He looked into Steve’s face, searching for anymore interruptions he would most likely throw at Tony in order to ‘calm him down’.</p><p>But there was nothing.</p><p>Steve was obviously nervous, on edge, searching for another reckless move Tony might throw.</p><p>It was a stubborn habit that they both couldn’t quit; one of their few things in common...</p><p>A small prick pierced at Tony’s heart, knocking him back into focus.</p><p>“Alright Rogers… let’s look at the points then, okay?” Tony clapped his hands together and rested them under his chin as he started pacing back and forth.</p><p>Steve still kept his fearful eyes on him, biting his lip as he watched Tony pace restlessly.</p><p>“Hypothetically, let’s say… when Barnes was still good. Back with you in the forties. Yeah, maybe back then, he could have <em>attempted</em> to live up to the man that my best friend, James Rhodes, is, today. <strong>Attempted</strong>, Rogers. Because <strong>no-one</strong> can be as amazing as Rhodey, I’m telling you this now for a fact, okay?”</p><p>Steve nodded, solemnly. He wanted to defend Bucky and tell Tony that he was (and still is) as great a friend as James Rhodes!</p><p>But Steve couldn’t do that.</p><p> </p><p>His side had shot Rhodey out of the sky! He hurt Tony and he had hurt his best friend- his brother, his <em>family</em>!</p><p>And Steve admitted it: Rhodey really was the best person he’d ever met! Tough, kind, patient, understanding and honourable. He was a family man; he wanted his loved ones safe.</p><p>Steve learnt how to be patient with Tony. He learned all of Tony’s facades, he learned how to understand Tony’s bizarre- yet wonderful mind! –all with Rhodey’s help.</p><p>And Steve had taken away the man’s ability to walk…</p><p>He was brought back to the present with Tony’s voice, “But, until King T’Challa’s sister gets Barnes’ mind clear from all Hydra’s mind control and gets him better,” the brunette at least gave Steve a small, sympathetic look as he said that, but then continued swiftly, “we won’t be able to see if he’s worthy of Rhodey’s title.”</p><p>He gave Steve a pointed look, but the blond did nothing more than nod in response.</p><p>Steve was still tense, but Tony had stopped pacing and his hand movements became less erratic, so he relaxed his shoulder muscles and spine.</p><p>“What I’m more concerned about, actually, with this so-called<em> ‘Winter Soldier Rhodey’,</em> as you so proclaim him to be-”</p><p>Tony’s air quotes to the snarky nickname he gave to Bucky, made Steve reel back as if he had just been slapped.</p><p>Tony ignored it.</p><p>He still wanted Steve to feel the same things he did- the shock, the betrayal; all of Tony’s hateful spite.</p><p>“- what I’m more concerned with, is <em>his</em> <em>best friend</em>. And I’m talking about <strong>you</strong>, Steve!” Tony basically spat out his name.</p><p>Steve was confused.</p><p><em>'Concerned with me?'</em> Steve let his confusion show as he looked up at Tony.</p><p>Tony’s face was stone cold. His eyes showed so much bitterness.</p><p>“Yes, Steve, I’m talking about you! Because if Barnes is as such a saint as you make him out to be,” Tony tipped his head back and he laughed bitterly as he said that, “then I actually feel <strong>VERY</strong> sorry for him, because he got a <em>PRETTY</em> LOUSY deal in the friendship department!”</p><p>
  <em>Oh… </em>
</p><p>Once seeing the realization hit Steve’s face, Tony nodded.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, “I know that I’m a mess. I know that Rhodey doesn’t deserve an idiot like me for a friend. But the main difference between you and me, regarding our friendships…” Tony’s voice had gone a deadly quiet.</p><p>He leant forward slightly; his arms crossed as he mockingly smiled at Steve as if the blonde was nothing more but a helpless child.</p><p>“The main difference, my <strong><em>backstabbing captain</em></strong>- “ he hissed. </p><p>Another flinch from Steve’s end.</p><p>“- is that <strong>THIS</strong>. <strong>IS</strong>. <strong>Who</strong>. <strong>I</strong>. <strong>Am</strong>!” Tony punctuated each word by basically stabbing himself in the chest with his finger.</p><p>“And Rhodey has known it ever since our days at MIT University!”</p><p>He took a breather.</p><p>But Steve had still jumped as Tony raised his voice. Pointing at his chest like that each time, only made Steve think back to how his own shield had also sliced at Tony’s armour.</p><p>
  <em>Strike. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Strike. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Strike. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I know I’m a drunk, Steve,” Tony’s voice broke slightly as he continued jabbing at himself to emphasise his point- jabbing at his heart so hard that it must’ve hurt, but it didn’t look like Tony noticed.</p><p>Or even cared…</p><p>“I know that I lie... And that I forget important things like birthdays and anniversaries. My PTSD’s a bitch every day and on most days, I function on nothing but coffee and an hour of sleep if I’m even lucky enough the nightmares stay away too.”</p><p>A few more tears escaped Tony’s eyes as his voice broke again, and Steve had to swallow down another lump forming in his throat.</p><p>Tony closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths for a couple seconds. Steve still didn’t dare move, but his thoughts were whirling around like a tornado in his head.</p><p>He wanted to tell Tony he was perfect. He wanted to tell him that he was loved. He wanted Tony to know that he wasn’t worthless. He wanted to even throw his damn shoe at the man for his comments about Bucky!</p><p>He wanted to <em><strong>say something</strong></em>!</p><p>Yet he kept his mouth clamped shut.</p><p>Tony needed to yell more than Steve did.</p><p>“So Rhodey knows this. But for the love of God, I can’t figure out why he stays!” Tony laughed bitterly again and ran a hand down his face, wiping away the tears.</p><p>“But <em>you</em>?” He pointed to Steve and there was nothing left but <em><strong>pure pain</strong></em> and pure disbelief on Tony’s face. He pulled his lips into a thin line and pinched his eyes closed to force the tears back. Tony shook his head in disappointment.</p><p>Disappointment at himself; disappointment at Steve? The blonde didn’t know. But a tear fell down his face seeing what he’d put Tony through.</p><p>How Steve had changed Tony’s opinion of him: <em>Captain America, Steve Rogers, his childhood hero and lover turns out to be nothing more than a backstabbing liar! </em></p><p>“God, I was wrong about you, Steve… I just didn’t realise it, because <strong>I</strong> <strong>loved you so damn much!</strong>” Tony’s voice became thick and laced with despair as the words tumbled out.</p><p>It gutted both their cores as they heard the words.</p><p>Steve’s breath hitched. He stared at Tony with wide eyes that were clouded over with unshed tears.</p><p>His question was clear: <em>Do you still? … </em></p><p> </p><p>Tony’s tears fell like waterfalls and he lifted his eyes to the ceiling, trying to get them to stop. His jaw was clenched as he fought the sobs.</p><p>
  <em>Stark men are made of iron… </em>
</p><p>“I-it just HURTS so much S-Steve!” Tony finally screamed out!</p><p>He was full on sobbing now and clenching fistfuls of his hair.</p><p>“It just h-hurts <strong><em>SO</em> B-BAD</strong> and nothing keeps the pain away! <em>Nothing!</em>” Another bitter laugh escapes him.</p><p>“And… a-and sometimes I a-ask myself: how can you STILL love someone who hurt you so bad?”</p><p>Steve cried a bit more as he heard Tony’s voice pitch higher.</p><p>As he fought his cries and forced his words out.</p><p>“How- how can people… h-how c-can someone l-like Rhodey or – or Barns still love someone who <em>lies?!</em> A best friend- or even a <strong>boyfriend!</strong> – Steve! Who lies? Who keeps secrets? Who keeps very valuable secrets that could affect his lover’s personal life! It could affect h-his own team, as the leader! Knowing full well that his highly dangerous, brainwashed friend was still alive! Not calling for back-up, BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WOULD’VE HELPED STEVE! You <strong>know</strong> that!</p><p>“What? You didn’t trust me enough to take care of myself while I helped you find him on the battlefield? Didn’t trust me enough, and thought that I would kill him on the spot? Fuck it! Barnes can live with that guilt over my parents, I don’t bloody care! What I care about is the fact that <strong>you Didn’t. Tell. Me! </strong></p><p>“<em>Me</em>, Steve… The one who loved you since he was fucking five years old, <em>Goddammit! </em></p><p>“I had to find out by that fucking psychopath, Zemo, in fucking <strong>Siberia</strong>, when you could have just told me here at ho-ome…”</p><p>Steve heard how Tony’s voice broke on the word.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘You alright?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘…I’m home…’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Steve’s head was in his hands, his whole body heaving each time he sobbed.</p><p>Tony had collapsed onto the floor, his legs giving out, and he sat against the cool glass wall. He clutched at his stomach as he curled into a ball. The pain ate his insides, stabbing him all over his body.</p><p>“This is what I meant, Steve…” he croaked out, “We need to be kept in check! You have to admit that you and I, and the rest of the team get too reckless! No-one trusts the government, I agree, but how else are we supposed to convince the world, in a civil matter, that we can be trusted? That we just want peace?” Tony’s voice was a mere whisper now.</p><p>“And did you honestly think that I <em>wouldn’t</em> bend over backwards trying to amend some of those terms in that bloody document? To make you all comfortable with it? To meet all the team’s needs? I would’ve taken all the blows, all the punches and would even fuck Thaddeus Ross if I had to! But it would be so worth it, because all I wanted was for you and the rest of the Avengers to be happy! <em>Don’t you believe that?</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Although Steve’s head was still in his hands, he could feel Tony’s gaze burning him. He could feel Tony’s eyes baring into his whole being and soul.</p><p>
  <em>You do believe me, Steve, don’t you? Steve please… <strong>please</strong> tell me you believe me! Steve, you <strong>know me</strong>… Please tell me you believed me back then! Tell me, please that you <strong>trusted</strong> me back then… Steve… </em>
</p><p>The genius locked his gaze on the blonde. He couldn’t trust his voice after that meltdown, so he just wished, more than anything, that Steve could read his mind! That Steve could hear his thoughts… feel Tony’s emotion as each question flew across his brain.</p><p>He wished Steve could do that.</p><p>Then the blonde could’ve, at least, felt the <em>hope</em> that Tony had as he waited for an answer!</p><p>It was a small glimmer of hope that etched itself into Tony’s heart, making him believe that Steve would launch himself over to Tony and kiss him drunk with passion and longing!</p><p>Kiss Tony while he muttered, “Of course I believed you doll! I’ve always believed you, Honey and I always will!”</p><p>But of course, hope had only granted itself over to Tony a handful of times. The last blow that Steve had struck to his heart in Siberia probably ended that contract.</p><p>
  <em>Tony was down and broken. Steve had made his point, but he was hammering and hammering and punching and hammering! Over and over, the same excruciating pattern! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony hoped then that Steve wouldn’t do it. He’d hoped with everything in him back then that Steve would see that he’d made his point! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then the shield came down on him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tony stopped hoping for anything else after that…</p><p> </p><p>A cold wave of shame washed over Steve.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t believed Tony.</p><p> </p><p>He was so quick to judge everything that he didn’t even stop to think that it was <em><strong>Tony</strong></em> they were talking about!</p><p>Tony would do all those things and more!</p><p>Of course he wouldn’t let them agree to something they weren’t happy about! He would change the draft a billion times over. He’d pull endless all-nighters just to make them happy.</p><p>He’d tell you of course, it would be for a different reason <em>(‘Earth’s mightiest heroes must be kept happy, Capsicle! And the world knows it. Otherwise, who else would they possibly call that’s perfectly qualified to clean up alien gore?)</em>, but Steve knew that it was really because Tony cared about them.</p><p>And Tony would take the punches after, if he knew Steve and the team were happy, nevertheless.</p><p><em>'Tony always ends up taking the punches,'</em> Steve bitterly realised,<em> 'No matter the outcome…' </em></p><p>“I’m assuming that by your lengthy silence... you didn’t actually believe me…” Tony concluded sadly. He let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding in. He laughed again, but it sounded dead.</p><p>It sounded like Tony really had given up.</p><p>“That’s okay, really Steve… the only thing I fight for is myself, right?”</p><p>Steve’s head shot up at that- his eyes blown wide and dark tear tracks clearly prominent on his face.</p><p>He expected to hear venom in those words; he expected to hear sarcasm. Just anything that was Tony!</p><p>But there was none of that.</p><p> </p><p>Tony sounded dead.</p><p> </p><p>His voice held no more emotion.</p><p> </p><p>Looking into those eyes, Steve saw that they too, had just become a dull, dirt colour brown. There was no life. There was no sparkle…</p><p> </p><p>Tony felt numb.</p><p> </p><p><em>‘Yeah… he obviously only fought for himself…’</em> The dark voice was in the genius’ head, spreading these thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>If Steve still thought that, then there was no point in thinking anything else…</p><p>“No… no-nn- no Tony! You- you fight f-for everyone! You fight so selflessly!” Steve pressed desperately.</p><p>“I- I was wrong that day! I’m wrong <strong>every day!</strong> If anything I’m- I’m the one who only fights for himself! I was- “</p><p>“Don’t- don’t do that,” Tony pleaded softly.</p><p>He gave Steve a sad smile.</p><p>A frail smile made of glass that could break at any moment…</p><p>“It’s … it’s fine Steve, really. You don’t have to explain anything,” Tony shook his head, smiling to himself, deprecatingly.</p><p>Tony’s face right now was the kind of face you make once you here that<em> ‘I told you so!’</em> right in the front of your mind, clear as day.</p><p>Tony heard it now.</p><p>“My father told me I didn’t deserve happiness. He told me that I didn’t deserve you…” More tears fell down his face again, but the eyes they fell from had no life anymore.</p><p>Tony spoke with a watery smile plastered on his face. He gave a shrug of indifference.</p><p>Steve had never seen him look so broken: using the glass wall as his only support system to keep himself from collapsing; pressing his whole upper body against it, pale as a ghost.</p><p>The brunette took in a shaky breath, but Steve could still here how his voice wavered as the words came out between his hiccupping sobs, “A-And I guess I- I ought to hand it to him, huh? Because he was right! The universe is right: I don’t deserve to - be happy with you…” Tony looked down at his lap and a few tears caught the light as they dropped onto his legs. Like Tony was crying diamonds…</p><p>“Tony, p-please, I just need a few minutes- “</p><p> </p><p>But Tony was already getting up and dusting his pants off.</p><p>“Steve, you don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to say anything more,” he said, “I set myself up for defeat. That’s all it was. You didn’t trust me enough. We fought and you won. You don’t need to apologise for winning. ABBA says it perfectly: the winner takes it all.”</p><p>He gave another shrug and one last smile before turning away and heading for the door.</p><p>Steve hated how dead Tony sounded! He spoke so softly, sounding so broken and monotonous!</p><p>Steve hated how sickeningly accepting Tony was of the whole thing! Steve hated how this wonderful genius just accepted the blame and would tell himself that it was all his fault!</p><p>
  <em>It was all Tony’s fault… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was all because of Tony… </em>
</p><p>Not missing a beat, Steve shot up faster than a lightning bolt and ran towards Tony who was already at the doorway.</p><p>“Tony Stark, I’m not gonna let you walk away with this guilt I swear-</p><p>AH <strong>FUCK! <em>OW!</em></strong>”</p><p>If it weren’t for the serum, Steve was 90% sure that his jaw would’ve been permanently broken from that moment onwards! He stared dumbly at Tony, who was clutching his own hand which was balled up into a fist and his eyes were as wide as saucers.</p><p>Steve’s jaw still throbbed painfully with each muscle twitch in his mouth.</p><p>Tony punched him.</p><p> </p><p>Tony just punched Steve!</p><p> </p><p>One moment, Steve was reaching out and grabbing Tony’s wrist and the next, he was seeing stars!</p><p>Once Steve regained his composure, he saw first and foremost, the fear in Tony’s eyes that faded away and Steve understood.</p><p>Steve understood and once it struck him, it felt like a huge hole had been punched into his chest!</p><p>That reflex…</p><p>…caused only by one thing…</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… oh Tony, I- I’m -  I'm <em><strong>so</strong> sorry</em> I caused this! I’m really sorry I did all this to you, I- “</p><p>Steve fought through each sting of muscle pain as he spoke to Tony and took a hesitant step toward the genius, his hand reached out as if he was trying to calm a frenzied, wild animal.</p><p>But Tony took an instinctive step back and glared daggers at Steve. He saw the pain in Steve’s eyes and felt the pain shoot up his arm in waves.</p><p>Breath hitching. Violent shaking…</p><p>
  <em>'Oh no, I gotta get out of here what did I just do?! Steve- he- I – I gotta leave!' </em>
</p><p>“Tony, please! Please! I don’t want you to be scared of me. Let me- “</p><p>Tony’s arms struck out to block Steve from coming any closer. Alarms blazing in his head!</p><p>“NO! No, you will NOT come near me Rogers! Don’t- just- No! No… Just - just <strong>leave</strong>…”</p><p>When the last word was whispered from Tony’s mouth- sounding so heartbroken- he backed away a couple steps more until he reached the elevator doors and disappeared.</p><p> </p><p>Steve fell to the floor and he let the dam break.</p><p>Broken off cries turned to wails of pain and then reached a crescendo of howls and screaming that echoed around the room!</p><p>The process could’ve lasted a lifetime. Steve didn’t know, nor did he care.</p><p>He let everything out until his whole being was nothing more than a hacking, shaking mess of broken-off sobs.</p><p> </p><p>This time, Steve was the one who was stranded alone…</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony leaned heavily against his bedroom wall, drawing in as much air as he possibly could.</p><p>Steve wanted to touch him!</p><p> </p><p>Steve <em>HAD</em> touched him!</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Why did he touch Tony?</p><p>What- didn’t he realise he’d made his point perfectly clear? Tony could still feel the weight of the shield as Steve stabbed at his reactor…</p><p> </p><p>He could still see Steve’s face…</p><p> </p><p>He still felt the pain…</p><p> </p><p>He could see the blood on Steve’s-</p><p>
  <em>'NO! No. No. Stop. Stop. Stop, please! STOP!' </em>
</p><p>Panting heavily, Tony slid down to the floor and gripped his knees to his chest tightly. He didn’t know why the tears kept insisting to fall down his face, but he didn’t stop them either.</p><p>Because Tony didn’t want to think.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t want to reason with the millions of trains of thought that ran his brain ragged! He didn’t want to convince himself that he was crying, only because he was just ‘overwhelmed’! Or better yet: because he still <em>had feelings</em> for Steve!</p><p>Tony actually laughed at that thought.</p><p>No, no, no, no, no! <strong><em>No! </em></strong></p><p>He was <strong><em>well</em></strong> beyond that point, wasn’t he?</p><p>And Steve had confirmed what Tony had thought all along: <em>he didn’t believe Tony.</em> He didn’t trust Tony’s judgement, even after all they’d been through…</p><p>“Just - just shut down. No, j-just- just shut off! Please! Stop thinking for a second. Just breathe! Stop, please! S-Stark men are made of iron. Stark men are m-made of iron! W-why can’t my brain just s-stop?!”</p><p>Tony’s voice was hoarse and high with panic as he whispered these things to himself.</p><p>He couldn’t bring himself to draw in huge gulps of air, otherwise it made his lungs burn and his eyes tear up again. He kept panting heavily, like he’d just finished a marathon.</p><p>Repeating ‘Stark men are made of iron’ to try and calm himself down, he clutched his hair between his fingers and buried his head in his knees… rocking himself gently…</p><p> </p><p>              *                     *                          *</p><p> </p><p>It took a few minutes for Tony to realise that he was lying on something soft. <em>That something soft</em> actually being his bed, he noticed absently.</p><p>He was still fully clothed, just his shoes and jacket were off – nothing else.</p><p>This scenario would usually take place when Rhodey would bring him home after he’d consumed too much alcohol the night before and would be awoken by a massive hangover with his clothes rumpled like this.</p><p>
  <em>Except… </em>
</p><p><strong>Number one:</strong> Tony hadn’t been drinking.</p><p>He was eighty percent sure of that fact, but, knowing himself all too well, the possibility of drinking himself dead was still there. Yet, there was no headache- no nausea... No other sign of a hangover. </p><p>And the only person he would trust to help him when he was like this, was Rhodey, who actually couldn’t help him, because...</p><p><strong>Number two:</strong> Rhodey was still currently in hospital.</p><p>And Tony gave himself some credit that he at least had enough self-control to not get drunk without making sure he had help beforehand. And if he did go drinking alone, he’d feel too guilty for adding that stress on his best friend. His only friend at this point, really… Happy was away watching over Pepper and Jarvis…</p><p>Well… Jarvis was-</p><p>“Your thoughts are too loud Stark and I’m trying to binge watch Harry Potter here.”</p><p>Tony could have jumped maybe fifty feet into the air and he let out the most embarrassingly high-pitched shriek in history!</p><p>“<strong>Aaaaahhomygod!</strong> Ohmygod!<strong><em> Holy shit!</em></strong> If you’re here to kill me via heart attack, then I’d say you’ve succeeded! <em>Jeez!</em>”</p><p>He turned to face his attacker, ready to call the armour, but he was only met with an all-too familiar set of green eyes, glittering with amusement at Tony’s reaction.</p><p>“<em>Romanhoff?</em> You’re <em>here?!</em>” Tony asked in disbelief.</p><p>She quirked one of her perfectly groomed eyebrows and gave an amused smirk.</p><p>“Agent Stark, ya miss me?” she quipped, “Sorry though... I don’t have any AC/DC music belting through the speakers, but I think I made my entrance big enough, huh?”</p><p>Natasha was trying very hard to keep a bark of laughter from escaping her while she gave Tony some time to process the fact that she was indeed, here at the compound, smiling at him fondly.</p><p>And Tony was certainly, very extremely confused!</p><p>What was Romanhoff doing here? Sitting next to him on his bed, like they were teenagers again and having a Friday night slumber party?! Was she indeed here to kill him?</p><p>But Natasha never really gave her<em> ‘prey’</em> a warning before her attack… Unless she treated it as a game…</p><p><em>'Yes!'</em>, Tony reasoned.</p><p>
  <em>'That must be it! This was all just a fun game of "Taunt and Kill Tony Stark" . She chose Steve’s side, after all. Nat was just here to end their friendship. <strong>Yes!</strong> Yes, she was just-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'<strong>Oh</strong>… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'O okay …wow! … she- she’d really just come here to…? Nat was here to- to say goodbye? She <strong>wanted that?</strong> Oh...'</em>
</p><p><em>'Yeah Stark,'</em> that dark, deprecating voice sneered, <em>' ‘Cause obviously killing you wouldn’t make you hurt. Nat knows you would want that. You would want to die- you've welcomed death for years now! And this mission is obviously to hurt you! That's the only reason she's here right?'</em></p><p>Once this thought came to Tony's mind, he actually became very overwhelmed with a huge wave of sadness crashing down on him. A stray tear slipped down his cheek. He bowed his head in shame and stared at his hands. </p><p>
  <em>'So naive, Tony! Nat was never your friend...' </em>
</p><p>Seeing Tony's expression become grim so suddenly, Natasha’s own smile slipped off and fell to the floor like a glass plate.</p><p>She reached out a gentle hand and rested it on his shoulder- firm, but reassuring; letting Tony know that she was still there with him. She felt something pinch at her heart as Tony flinched at her touch, but he didn’t shrug it off. So that counted as a win for Nat. </p><p>“Tony?” she spoke so softly, as if to a frightened animal. Which Tony actually was, she concluded.</p><p>Tony was broken. He was left broken and scared.</p><p>“Oh, kotynok…” she sighed sympathetically.</p><p>Natasha brought Tony closer to her in one tug, as if he weighed nothing (he probably didn’t weigh anything to her! Her biceps were enough proof to anyone that this assassin held as much strength as Rogers!).</p><p>Nat wrapped her arms around Tony, drawing him close to her chest and nestled his head into the crook of her neck. Tony tensed up, trying to figure out her tactic here… trying to anticipate her next move…</p><p> </p><p>But then it hit him: he didn’t care!</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t give <strong>One. Single. Fuck!</strong></p><p> </p><p>Whether this was a dream, whether it was a hallucination, or if this was actually happening in real life, Tony couldn’t muss up any motivation- any reason- to stay focused and to stay strong.</p><p>He just let himself be.</p><p>He let himself go along with whatever this was that was happening in his life!</p><p> </p><p>Natasha was with him.</p><p> </p><p>She was in America.</p><p> </p><p>She was at the compound and she was sitting here with him, in his room.</p><p>On his bed.</p><p> </p><p>With her arms still enveloping the small brunette, Nat scuttled back until they both sat against the headboard. She kept Tony close against her, like he was her most absolute favourite teddy bear! She rubbed his harms, generating some warmth (even though he was half- tucked under the covers already) and rocked Tony steadily back and forth as soothing as possible. </p><p>As strange as this was, Tony still hadn’t made any move to stop it!</p><p>He actually found Nat to be surprisingly warm, like a wool blanket. She was surprisingly comfy too, like one of those pillows you would dive right into on your grandmother’s bed! Her arms were strong around him, making him feel safe and protected. Tony smiled in spite of himself.</p><p>He couldn’t help it!</p><p>It was a while since someone snuggled with him. That warm feeling came and enveloped his whole body- inside and out- making him feel soft and relaxed. Nat wasn’t a very physical person; it was always Tony who would give out hugs and kisses freely to the team, so he didn’t know how great a snuggle buddy she actually was.</p><p>“Nat?” Tony whispered softly, so innocently, his voice slurring a little bit. He was getting drowsy in Nat’s arms, like a toddler being put down for a nap.</p><p>“Yes Tony?” she chuckled.</p><p>Nat had been watching Tony as she lulled him to sleep. She watched as he curled and stretched against her like a kitten and a wave of love washed over her, seeing how vulnerable he could get. She combed her fingers through his head, massaging it gently. Nat couldn’t help but laugh again softly as she heard Tony - <em>honest to God!</em> - actually <strong>purr! </strong></p><p>
  <em>'Don’t worry little kotyonok, </em>
  <em>I’ll protect you. I’m so sorry that I didn’t before.' </em>
</p><p>Tony opened his eyes and looked at Nat hesitantly now. She saw fear creep into those eyes and he bit his lip nervously. Nat leant down to kiss his cheek quickly and Tony immediately turned beet-red as a tomato!</p><p>She smiled at him- her eyes sincere as she whispered gently, “Tony, you don’t have to be scared. You don’t have to be scared of <em>me</em>. I know this looks absolutely crazy. I don’t do this sort of thing, I know that. But contrary to what you’ve forced yourself to believe, whatever deprecating thoughts swirl around in that brain of yours,” she poked a finger at Tony’s forehead, making him wrinkle his nose in annoyance that could only look cute on a five-year old’s face, but Tony made it look cuter!</p><p>“You are my family,” Nat concluded, her gaze never wavering as she looked into Tony’s eyes.</p><p>They widened slightly, either in shock or disbelief, but Nat continued, “You and Pepper are both part of the few real friends I’ve had in my life and I loved it - having that friendship. Granted, you were, and still are, a difficult person to be friends with- “</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes at that, but nodded in agreement nonetheless.</p><p>“But you’re also one of the greatest friends I’ve <em>ever</em> had! And that’s a fact!” She squeezed Tony’s shoulder reassuringly, but paused for a moment, looking down solemnly. </p><p>Nat looked a little lost now and Tony couldn't blame her. It was hard for the both of them to do this. </p><p>But he didn’t know what to do.</p><p>How do you comfort someone like Natasha? Tony didn’t know how long she would let herself be vulnerable like this while she talked to him, so should he hug her back? Should he just stay still in case she went back to her steely self and cut his hand off for touching her?</p><p>“Nat?” he called to her, timidly.</p><p>She looked up, surprised. Her eyebrows were raised in question, seemingly forgetting about her speech, but with Tony still looking at her expectantly, she realized she was still the one talking.</p><p>Natasha shook her head, side to side, and came back to the present.</p><p>“Right, uhm, sorry - Tony,” Nat cleared her throat and continued, “Point being: when I saw how easily our team- our family- got torn apart - seeing how quickly it was to pick sides and tear each other apart during a stupid war?!” she shook her head again in shame, still not wanting to believe that they had indeed, resorted to such childish behaviour.</p><p>Tony held her hand and squeezed it gently, giving her the signature Tony Stark smirk. It made her laugh a little and she stroked his cheek.</p><p>“Seeing all that happen, I - I came to the conclusion- well, a kind of epiphany, really- that if something as uniquely wonderful as our family could be reduced to dust in just a few days, then it’s not worth it.</p><p>"It won't be worth it to die, knowing that I barely showed enough love to the people I cared about. I know you all know that I love you, but I want to <strong>say</strong> it enough now. Just like this- like hugging you. I want to show you.</p><p>"Maybe - maybe not sadness just yet... I'm not ready to be that vulnerable, but the good emotions like love and happiness?  Of course! Even <em>sarcasm!</em>”</p><p>They both burst out laughing at that!</p><p>Everyone knew (Nat herself) that she was the Queen of Sarcasm. Tony acknowledged that fact proudly; their sarcastic sense of humour was what made them good friends. He knew he could always vent to Nat and Nat could always come to him for a late-night drink while they both bickered about their simple people problems!</p><p>Tony always felt it refreshing: to know that he wasn’t the only one trained to not show emotion easily, in public or in private. That mutual understanding between them created their bond.</p><p>Now though, with Nat holding Tony so close, her right hand rubbing soothing circles on his back while her other played with the blanket… Tony’s right arm was strewn across her stomach and his left arm was tucked under his head…</p><p>He never thought that he would want a sibling one day, but Natasha? …</p><p>“H-hey Nat? Can we maybe make a deal?”</p><p>She looked to him, plain puzzlement on her face, but her eyes widened in curiosity. She blinked once, nodding her head minutely - meaning yes- and waited for Tony’s proposition.</p><p>Natasha would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little bit worried. Being vulnerable was new to her, but she knew Tony wouldn’t take this situation to humiliate or blackmail her.</p><p>During her confession, Tony’s face was nothing but passive. His eyes easily gave away his emotions: they went from showing disbelief, to showing surprise, hesitance and finally… <em>understanding</em>.</p><p>If Nat could be this brave to show her vulnerable, human side, then she was indeed being sincere. She wanted Tony to know that she loved him.</p><p>Tony had to blink a few times for the sting in his eyes to go away.</p><p>Nat was waiting patiently for him to continue, even smiling again when Tony refused to let himself cry.</p><p><em>'They had a lot to work on,'</em> she thought.</p><p>Tony looked away, took a deep breath and gazed back into Nat’s eyes. They were a nice green, Tony realized. They were green like a deep and endless forest that Tony would be happy to get lost in. </p><p>“Nat… if- if you don’t hurt me, like I'd thought you’d come here to do,” Tony bowed his head shamefully, but continued, “Just <em>please don’t</em> – don’t do anything… to - to <em>me</em>, especially, and... and I promise not to tell anyone what a great cuddle partner you actually are! Because right now, I don’t feel like sharing you! You old stone- cold teddy bear!”</p><p>Natasha immediately burst out laughing and Tony looked up at her with a hopeful smile on his face. Nat’s smile was bright and she stroked Tony’s cheek lovingly.  </p><p>“I'm sorry I made you believe that Tony, but I didn’t come here to hurt you, I promise you that. When you called us from Wakanda, saying you wanted to talk, even if it was just with a certain <em>douchebag-of-a-captain-</em> “</p><p>Tony’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped.</p><p>He not believing for a minute that Nat had actually just said something bad about Steve!</p><p>She chuckled at Tony’s reaction and raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Oh, believe me, Steve is one of my friends, but when he’s wrong, he knows that I won’t let him off that easy!... But I boarded the Quinjet with the others, hoping to apologise for the hurt that I caused you. I didn't come to add more…”</p><p>Tony swallowed the lump forming in his throat and nodded, not trusting his voice.</p><p>The next thing he knew, the air was punched out of him as Natasha pulled him closer, flush against her chest and hugged him tightly!</p><p>Her hand still combing gently through his hair, she whispered shakily in his ear, “I’m so sorry Tony!”</p><p>And then the dam broke. </p><p>Tony couldn’t hold the tears back anymore.</p><p>Nat being with him, apologising to him, it made some of that hurt and pain disappear.</p><p>Tony cried it out while Nat rocked him gently in her arms, softly humming a few Russian lullabies in his ear and rubbed his back soothingly.</p><p>Her soft, calming voice enveloped him as his sobbing slowly died down and became just a few little hiccups, and then, after a few minutes, Nat realised that Tony had fallen asleep!</p><p>Smiling, she held him up with one of her arms while she fluffed his pillows with the other. He whined slightly as she laid him down and she huffed out a laugh.</p><p>Same old Stark!</p><p>“Shh kotyonok,” she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay if you want me to stay.”</p><p>He felt too tired to open his eyes or speak, so Tony just nodded. Natasha poked him lightly on the nose and he giggled lightly. </p><p>She then spent maybe fifteen minutes trying to convince Tony to, at the very least, change quickly into something more comfortable if he was going to take a nap. </p><p>
  <em>("I am NOT being a mother-hen, Tony! I simply have morals. And one of them is to change into clothes suitable for the situation! Otherwise, mark my words, I WILL team up with F.R.I.D.A.Y to disable all your suits!") </em>
</p><p>Sufficed to say, that threat had Tony sprinting out of his bed and to his closet faster than Flash Gordon! </p><p>The former Russian spy then spent <strong><em>another</em></strong> five minutes staring at the opposite wall, while Tony changed into his PJs under the covers, refusing to get up again and change in the bathroom.</p><p>“Reconciling with a best friend takes an emotional toll on you Romanhoff! Especially when tears are involved!”</p><p>He couldn’t see her face, so Nat took one last advantage towards this and rolled her eyes at his adorable (and yet maddening!) stubbornness. At least she had convinced him to stay awake long enough to change.</p><p>“Okay <em>Mom</em>, I’m presentable!”</p><p>Turning around, Natasha stuck out her tongue as she grabbed a spare blanket from the side cabinet. She was dressed in a simple grey T-shirt and sweats, since she didn’t think Tony would want a formal meeting with all of them once they landed.</p><p>She bundled herself up in the extra duvet, lying on top of Tony’s one. F.R.I.D.A.Y put the TV back on and they both watched Harry Potter comfortably, with Nat still holding Tony close.</p><p>“I’ve seen you strangle aliens Miss Romanhoff and shut down a portal created by a Norse god, but seeing you stick your tongue out at me, is a day I never thought would happen!</p><p>“I mean… I always expected something more extreme! More… more <em>you, </em>if that even makes sense! Like a lot of punching, electric zaps, the usual.”</p><p>He felt Nat’s body shake beside him as she laughed- it was a good laugh! It was a carefree one; a laugh that comes from being with your lovable, idiot friends!</p><p>“Maybe another day Stark,” she petted him on his head, “I feel too happy now to have you ruin it by howling in pain from my punches. It’s too annoying.”</p><p>Tony gasped in fake offence, “You really are too cold sometimes, Miss Romanhoff! But thank you for your consideration, Nat- I feel <em>so</em> <em>incredibly</em> safe now.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes sarcastically. </p><p>Nat smiled and petted him again, “You’re welcome Tony. I’m glad I can at least get your sarcasm levels up to speed again, because you’ve honestly lost your touch- “</p><p>There was a tiny squawk of protest from Tony’s side.</p><p>“- which I find surprising, since you’re dealing with politics all day! Those idiots should have fuelled your material.”</p><p>Tony nudged her lightly in the ribs.</p><p>Nat, slapped him upside his head in retaliation. </p><p>Before he fell asleep to credits rolling after ‘The Half- Blood Prince’, he nudged Nat again.</p><p>“Natasha?”</p><p>“Yes Anthony?” she responded in fond annoyance.</p><p>Tony ignored that smugness in her tone- she always used it when they called each other by their full names.</p><p>Because full names meant serious business for the team. And both Tony and Nat <em>hated</em> unnecessary seriousness. </p><p>“You’re the closest thing I have to a sister,” Tony murmured sleepily, “but I... I kinda like that idea!” He laughed to himself.</p><p>“Natasha Romanhoff… as my sibling… that sounds pretty badass!" Tony giggled sleepily.</p><p>"But you really are the best, Nat! Let’s pretend you are my sibling…so that I… I can say you’re the bestest friend- the best sister… ever…”</p><p>Once Tony managed to slur out the last few words, he was out like a light, snoring softly.</p><p>Natasha kept still.</p><p> </p><p>Frozen.</p><p> </p><p>She looked down at Tony, sleeping with a smile on his face and she quickly managed to wipe away the few tears that would’ve spilled onto him. Her chest constricted as she replayed Tony’s words over and over.</p><p>
  <em>“…the bestest friend… the best sister ever…” </em>
</p><p>Giving his sleeping figure a watery smile, she pecked him on the cheek and settled down for a nap herself.</p><p><em>'Brothers and sisters protect each other</em>.<em>Tony would always want to protect me. I’ll make sure he knows that I’ll always protect him too…' </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>http://archiveofourown.org/works/6736924.</p><p>-Check out the AMAZING story and inspiration for this chapter by @lazywriter7 titled "And In The Silence That Follows"</p><p>It's really insightful and gives Clint some major wisdom and the greatest ability to spit facts to Steve 😄 because you know I live for a good Steve-bashing 😈 I'm evil that way!</p><p>But it's a reeaallly awesome fic that makes the reader really see the mistakes made equally by both sides, but mostly Steve *cough*   *cough*  and T'Challa is also present to defend Tony and make Steve feel like a jerk that he was.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I just love him <em>too</em> much to walk away, Buck! I didn't fight hard enough. And I- I just… I feel like the <strong>biggest</strong> hypocritical asshole to ever walk this Earth! But I honestly don’t even know what else would make a difference- I can’t think of anything. I know I can’t give up either. I just can’t let him go… I <em>can't </em>let him go, Buck... ”</p><p>Steve was still in the living room with his laptop on the coffee table- Bucky’s face staring back at him through the screen.</p><p>The Winter Soldier sighed and combed a hand through his hair absent-mindedly.</p><p>Steve waited impatiently for any piece of advice that his best friend could offer. The blonde's eyes basically burned a hole into the screen as their video chat went on.</p><p>“What can I say, Punk? I told you so.”</p><p>Steve grimaced.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>There it was!</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The favourable<em> “I told you so”</em> reality-check speech.</p><p>It finally made the captain snap!</p><p>“Yeah Buck, I’m <em>so very sorry</em> that you’re ten dollars poorer right now,” he retorted dryly, “But I need <em>something</em>! I need <strong>anything</strong>, ya Jerk.”</p><p> </p><p>“Steve.”</p><p> </p><p>A new voice called out softly behind the blonde. It was Wanda.</p><p>She was leaning against the doorway, her arms folded. Her expression was solemn.</p><p>She looked guilty of being there. At the facility. The young witch kept fiddling with locks of her hair absent-mindedly and turned her head this way and that.</p><p>Wanda looked incredibly lost.</p><p> </p><p>Steve became a little worried. He felt quite protective over her.</p><p>“Yeah, Wanda? What’s up?” he asked gently.</p><p>Wanda held out her arm, gesturing in a silent request if she could sit by him. Steve nodded.</p><p>She gracefully walked over and sat down next to the super soldier, giving Bucky a small wave.</p><p>“Hey Barnes,” Wanda smiled.</p><p>Bucky chuckled and gave a wave in return, “Hello, my little red-haired fairy! What can Uncle Bucky do to help you and my lovesick Punk over here?”</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes and Wanda couldn’t help the small grin donning her face.</p><p>“Well, it’s… it's kinda the same issue Steve has...”</p><p>Steve looked to her with a quizzical expression. Bucky frowned as well.</p><p>Wanda nodded, “Yeah, uh… F.R.I.D.A.Y… she – she uhm… she replayed the footage of your conversation with Tony earlier. She replayed it to me. It was more hostile than I figured it would go, but… I figured I should tell you nevertheless.”</p><p> </p><p>Steve’s gut got punched broken.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘No. no, I… I couldn’t have heard Wanda right, surely. No, I- She- she <strong>HEARD</strong> our conversation? She <strong>SAW</strong> it?! F.R.I.D.A.Y did that? No- no, <strong>of course</strong> F.R.I.D.A.Y would do that—Tony’s AI’s always, creepily, have a good level of vengeance! But now Wanda knows the truth! Oh God…It’s out there! What more could F.R.I.D.A.Y do with that information? Tell Rhodey? His legs not working won’t stop him from strangling me to death! Oh God…Oh no... ’ </em>
</p><p>Steve inhaled buckets of air rapidly and couldn’t seem to focus on his surroundings. His vision swam and he hugged his arms around his middle, trying to keep himself physically together.</p><p>“-eve! Steve can you hear me now? Bucky, he’s not responding – what else should I do?”</p><p>
  <em>THWACK!! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<strong>AOWH!</strong> Ah! <em>Ow!</em> What happened?” Steve’s head snapped up and he looked around the room, “How many more times do I need to get slapped or punched today?!”</p><p> </p><p>“As many times as I see fit!”</p><p> </p><p>Focusing on the new voice’s location, Steve’s frantic eyes zero-ed in on Clint, who was kneeling in front of him with a glare as deadly as Natasha’s!</p><p>Wanda was still clutching at Steve’s sides, obviously trying to shake him out of his trance before and Bucky - <em>for the life of him!</em> – was trying to hold back his snickering <em>laughter! </em></p><p>“<strong>Buck?!</strong> <strong>Not</strong> cool! First of all.” Steve glared at his screen.</p><p>James Buchanan Barnes simply gave a shrug of indifference. His shit-eating grin was displayed proudly on his face!</p><p>Steve then turned to the archer, “And Clint? What the <em>hell</em> was that slap for?!”</p><p>The archer, also grinning now at Steve’s pain and melodramatic voice, sat himself down on a bean-bag next to the blonde and folded his hands in his lap. He gave Steve an incredulous look.</p><p>“Rogers,” he paused - shooting a look that made Steve feel like he was going under scrutiny from his therapist. “I thought that I was fighting for something good,” Clint continued, “I thought that I was following a Captain who upheld truth and justice above all else. I thought I was following <em>a friend</em> who believed in that.”</p><p> </p><p>A sinking feeling grew in Steve’s stomach and he was pretty sure he knew where this conversation was heading. He sucked in a breath, bracing himself again for another kick to his heart.</p><p>“F.R.I.D.A.Y showed me the footage too. And <strong>dammit</strong>, Steve! If I’d have known there was something deeper going on involving the three of you – you, Stark and Barnes – then I never would have fought on your side. I didn’t even want to fight at all! And yet I did, so I get that that part’s on me… But, Steve… <em>holding back that kind of thing from Stark?!” </em></p><p>Clint shook his head and Steve was again unsure if it was in disappointment of him or of Clint himself.</p><p>The blonde let out another guilty sigh.</p><p>“And to think, I was always mad at Stark for creating Ultron…” Clint mused, “Yet, I should have been angry at you and Nat!”</p><p>He gave Steve another look of disbelief, “Tony was always trying to do what was best… He’s always one step ahead, but the killer part is: I didn’t understand why he didn’t just let us in on what was going on in that head of his! But I understand now… He can’t let anyone close enough to trust him. To love all of him…”</p><p>Clint’s eyes watered and the room became silent. The only sounds being the static from Steve’s laptop.</p><p>After a minute, it was Wanda who spoke up again, “I... have something I need to confess.”</p><p>All eyes focused on her.</p><p>“Little Fairy, you better be confessin' that you have an idea on how to make it up to Tony,” Bucky pleaded.</p><p>Wanda shook her head.</p><p>“No,” she replied solemnly, “No, I have to confess that<em> I</em> made Tony see all of you dead. <em>I</em> made him see that in his vision…”</p><p>All eyes widened in shock.</p><p>Steve choked on air and Bucky had his head hung in his hands.</p><p>A deathly silence fell over once again.</p><p>Tension thick as iron steel settled like cement into the room.</p><p>“I can’t even begin to tell him how sorry I am!” Wanda whispered, her voice shaky and wavering.</p><p>“W-wait- wait- wait… S-so… when… when Bruce t-told me that all Tony said w-was… that he saw a suit of armor around the world… he o-only got the idea, because of what <em>you</em> showed him?”</p><p>She nodded to Steve, her head bent and her hair shielding her face from view. All Steve heard was a tiny sniffle, but his mind was somewhere else.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Isn’t that the <strong>why</strong> we fight? So we can <strong>END</strong> the fight?! So we get to go <strong>home?!!</strong>’</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“All he wanted was to just keep us safe… He just wanted us to go home… and live a life of our own…” Steve breathed out. His eyes stung and huffed out a dry sob.</p><p>A low whistle came from Bucky.</p><p>“Stevie… if he doesn’t want you back, then I garentee you, <em>I’m</em> fighting for him!”</p><p>“<strong>Bucky!</strong>”</p><p>“<strong>What?!</strong> Steve, you wanna tell me he’s not the most amazing team member- the most amazing <em><strong>person</strong></em> <em>ever?!</em> But Wanda? What you did, I- “</p><p>“<strong>I know!</strong> Trust me, I know. I wanna make this up to him just as much as all of you do! I caused this; I know that!... I was just too ashamed to admit it…”</p><p> </p><p>Both Steve and Clint heaved out a sigh.</p><p>The archer was the next to speak up, “Look… what’s done is done. And the things that were done hurt a lot of people. It hurt Tony the most. So, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I plan on giving Stark an apology with enough sincerity behind it to chase away the level of pain we caused him!”</p><p> </p><p>With that, Clint stood up and dusted off his slacks.</p><p>“Where are you headed?” Steve called out.</p><p>“I’m gonna see if Tony’s at least still in the facility. I’d ask F.R.I.D.A Y, but something tells me that the gal still seems bitter towards a few of us! You, Wanda and Barnes figure out what the best solution is that Google drops on you to apologize to your colleague for brainwashing him and blaming him for starting a Civil War that he was trying to prevent in the first place!”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When you consider someone like Natasha Romanoff to be one of your closest and, albeit, <em>strangest</em> friends to ever come across, the sudden apparition abilities she’d mastered as a former assassin won’t really catch you off guard anymore- only after the first couple of months, at least.</p><p>So, when Clint Barton was granted access to Stark’s living area, he wasn’t <em>totally</em> surprised to see his red-headed friend sitting on the couch, nestling a huge bowl of strawberry frozen yoghurt.</p><p>She actually appeared calm.</p><p>But there were two kinds of calm when it came to Natasha. One of them was the normal calmness that the average person felt, for example, after a meditation session.</p><p>But Natasha had another kind.</p><p>It was the same kind of deadly calm exterior that you’d normally see in a viper or a leopard as it’s poised to strike at its prey.</p><p>Thankfully, it wasn’t <em>that</em> right then and there.</p><p>No, Natasha looked shockingly … <strong><em>comfortable. </em></strong></p><p>She looked about as comfortable as if she was lounging about on Clint’s farm on an ordinary Tuesday.</p><p>Except… this was <em>Stark’s</em> quarters…</p><p>So, her relaxed aura didn’t quite add up to their surroundings. As far as Clint knew, she wasn’t exactly on Tony’s good graces either.</p><p>“What? You already killed Stark? Aww, that’s a shame really, Nat, ‘cause I still wanted access to my newly developed arrows he planned and stick it up- “</p><p>
  <em>WHOOSH! </em>
</p><p>“OH HOLY <em>JESUS</em>, WOMAN! <strong><em>OW!</em> </strong>What are you- Stark’s guard dog now?!”</p><p>“Relax, Barton, you baby. I was actually aiming for the nuts, but I’m sure your inner thigh will survive just fine as well.”</p><p>Clint looked down to inspect the tear in his slacks and saw the new slash in his leg begin to slowly draw blood. The dagger that Natasha had thrown at him was still lodged securely in the wall behind him!</p><p>He cursed and looked up to find Nat still calmly eating her ice-cream in enjoyment, her face appearing blank. But a mischievous glimmer was shining in her eyes and a smirk donned her face.</p><p>She looked up innocently and gave an off-handed shrug. “What? Still looking for something, Barton?” she asked, sweetly.</p><p>Clint pulled his lips into a thin line and huffed in exasperation.</p><p>“I’m currently looking for answers to <em>this</em>,” he gestured to Nat and then to Stark’s suite around them, “but I should know better than to force them out of you right now.” Clint tried for a smile AND became relieved to see Natasha smile back at him.</p><p>“Yes – yes, you should know better,” she replied curtly, though still smiling. Nat put her ice-cream on the coffee table and stood up in one graceful, feline motion. She walked over to Clint and rubbed his arm reassuringly. </p><p>“I’m sorry about the knife,” she apologized.</p><p>But Clint saw how she bit her lip, trying to hide her smile as she ducked her head. He chuckled softly.</p><p>“Doesn’t really sound like you are, though—huh, Nat?” he laughed.</p><p>She looked up, her eyes bright, “Just because I’m sorry, doesn’t stop me from laughing at your reaction!”</p><p>Clint gasped and clutched at his chest, feigning shock!</p><p>“Natasha! <em>Fore shame!</em>”</p><p>She laughed heartily.</p><p>“You know Barton… If it weren’t for our lives being, well, <em>our lives</em>… I'd say that you would’ve made quite the professional actor!” she teased.</p><p>He gave her a quick hug, but the contact made her remember his now cut leg. As they pulled away, her face became solemn. She looked really guilty.</p><p>“I <em>am</em> sorry about the violent greeting,” she pressed, “But… that’s what I’m going to be for Stark from now on. Call it a guard dog if you want, but the bottom line is that a guard dog protects... And Stark deserves a protector…” Natasha nodded to herself.</p><p>
  <em>'Stark deserves someone to take care of him. ' </em>
</p><p>Clint’s eyes softened when Nat looked away, a little sheepish. But she turned back with a hardness in her eyes, steel and icy, “So, I <strong>really</strong> don’t care what you have to say, Barton, if you’ve just come here to insult him-“</p><p>“Nat, I know what happened between them in Siberia.”</p><p> </p><p>A pause.</p><p> </p><p>A <strong>very long</strong> pause.</p><p> </p><p>Neither one said anything. They searched each other’s eyes, holding a silent conversation of their own. A few more seconds passed. Finally, Nat broke the silence.</p><p>“What did you just say?” she whispered.</p><p>Looking into Clint’s solemn expression, she could see that he was serious. But <em>Siberia? </em></p><p>“That’s why I actually came up here,” Clint continued, “To apologize to Stark. Steve’s downstairs wallowing in despair and trying to figure out how to make it up to Tony properly. So’s Wanda.”</p><p>“Clint, <strong>what</strong> <em>happened</em> in Siberia?” Nat pressed on.</p><p>Clint’s eyebrows furrowed. This was the first time he’d ever come across Natasha this flustered.</p><p>It was like a seventh sense that the spies had between each other where they were able to always read each other flawlessly, because they each always had the same intel for a mission. They both knew what was what. And they both knew what to expect.</p><p>But this time?</p><p>It seemed that Nat truly didn’t know something that Clint did.</p><p><em>‘First time for everything, I guess,</em>’ the archer thought, as he continued to study her oblivious expression.</p><p>He gave a deep sigh.</p><p>“Look, Nat… maybe you should just ask F.R.I.D.A.Y instead. But, would ya make sure to do it when you know Stark’s asleep or something? That’s all I’m gonna tell you right now.”</p><p>Her face remained blank.</p><p>She stared at Clint for another long number of seconds more.</p><p>When she realized there was nothing else Clint was hiding from her, or going to tell her, Natasha nodded in understanding. She accepted Clint’s information and decided to save it for a <em>certain super soldier</em> downstairs.</p><p>She gave Clint a smile, “Thank you though, Barton. I will tell Tony you came to apologize.”</p><p>They embraced each other in one last hug and Natasha watched as Clint descended in the elevator.</p><p>She breathed out a long sigh. It was time to see what Barton meant about F.R.I.D.A.Y’s footage.</p><p>“F.R.I.D.A.Y, can you please-"</p><p>An ear-splitting shriek then broke through Tony’s penthouse and Natasha was barging through his bedroom door within a millisecond, gun armed and secure in her grasp!</p><p>“<em>NOOO!</em> NOO! STTO-<strong>OPPP!!</strong> <strong>STOP!!</strong> LEAVE- NNGGAAHHHH!!! NGHH! HNHUH-<strong><em>NO!</em></strong> No, stop! <em>HNGAAAHH! <strong>PLEASE</strong>!</em> Please, <strong>don’t!.</strong>..”</p><p>Tony’s wailing echoed off the walls and Natasha’s eyes stung as she heard the pained cries tear through his chest!</p><p>He was writhing violently on the bed, twisting through the sheets and shooting his limbs around frantically.</p><p>Tony’s face was stained with tear tracks, but his eyes were still clamped shut. His body spasmed as he rode out his night terror. His sobbing cries made Nat’s heart bleed.</p><p> </p><p>“<strong>PLEASE!!</strong> <em>Please</em> - I <strong>don’t know!</strong> <em>STO-OP!</em> NAT! <strong>Natasha!</strong> Wait! NO-!”</p><p>She was by Tony’s side in an instant, trying to settle his spasmodic body and combing through his locks of hair as comfortingly as possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Shh… shh… settle, now Antoshka- it’s alright… It’s alright, I <em>promise</em> I’m right here… I’m right here, now. There we go... Come on, now - shhh… shhh... It’ll be okay… It’ll be okay, I promise… There we go… Shh shh shh… Just listen to my voice. Focus on me, focus on my real voice, kotynok… It’ll be alright, Antoshka. Everything will be okay… Come on back… ”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tony was alone in the blistering cold of Zemo’s holdup in Siberia. It was chilling. It was frightening. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Natasha had just walked away from him with Steve on her arm. His suit’s reactor was clutched in her other hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony thought that she would be by his side. He thought that she had meant what she said- that she had changed! But Tony was wrong. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony was always wrong about these things… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Steve had slammed his shield down onto Tony’s chest and sliced at his reactor like a rabid monster! He didn’t even think twice about it! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony’s soul had left his body. It was like an astral projection. He couldn’t feel anything but numbing pain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fear. </em>
  <em>Shock.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pain… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>After, while Tony still lay on the ground, it was Natasha that had come out of Zemo’s hiding room and she loomed threateningly over the wounded brunette. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She grinned down at him maliciously and ripped the reactor from his armour without a moment’s hesitation! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Natasha laughed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Natasha sneered at Tony like he was nothing more than an insolent little flea that had to be squashed. And quickly!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her chilling laugh echoed off the warehouse walls as she and Steve left Tony behind without a second look back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Icy tears began to fall from his face and his cries took to echo in the wind like the wailing siren. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony would always be left alone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Left alone with a sliced–apart heart… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The cold was so <strong>harsh</strong>, it burned and whipped at Tony’s face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘</em>
  <em>Please… don’t go…’ he whispered to long gone presence of Steve and Natasha. ‘I need you both… please…’  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<strong>Please</strong>, Natasha – <em>please</em>, you said you’d stay… You have to stay! Nat! Don’t go…”</p><p>“Oh, Kotynok, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here! I’m right here with you. But you have to wake up, Tony! You have to wake up!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Tony, wake up… Wake up, Antoshka- look at me! Open your eyes, Tony, c’mon. It’s me. It’s Natasha. I’m right here next to you… Antoshka, wake up… listen to my voice… Just listen to my voice… Come on back to me… Tony!...’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It drifted in the cold wind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t know where that voice was coming from. But he knew it couldn’t be Natasha, because her laughter was cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> But this voice wrapped Tony in a cocoon of warmth. He didn’t want to find out who the owner of that voice was. He just followed it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a warm campfire crackling in the night. It was firelight – red and bright. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tony walked towards it, legs heavy and weary with each step, but he hobbled on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I’m coming…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m coming…’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“-ony! Tony, please! I need you to <strong>wake up!</strong>”</p><p> </p><p>The brunette blinked open his eyes and they focused on a pair of deep, forest-green ones drowning in concern. Nat?</p><p>Tony jumped up and clutched at her shoulders, trying to anchor himself.</p><p>Natasha startled as well, but her entire body deflated with relief once Tony sprang up and stared at her owlishly.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Tones! I’m so glad you’re awake!”</p><p>She then slapped him across the face, glaring, “But don’t <strong>EVER</strong> put me through that again! <em>Do you understand?!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Tony only nodded dumbly.</p><p> </p><p>Natasha let out a pained noise of frustration before pulling him fiercely into another bear hug!</p><p>She cradled Tony’s head in the crook of her neck and pecked his temple with a light kiss. She rubbed his back reassuringly in soothing up-and-down strokes.</p><p>“It was all a dream, Antoshka. You don’t have to worry- it was all just a nightmare. I promised you that I won’t ever leave again, Tony and I’m keeping that promise… I’m right here, Tony… I’m right next to you… I’ve got you here in my arms now. You’re safe… you’re safe… Don’t worry. It’s just a memory…”</p><p>Tony gripped her tightly – surrounding himself in her scent and touch.</p><p>“Thank you, Nat… Thank you... You know, I always thought that I’d be lost without Rhodey, Pepper or Steve… but - but I see now that I’d be lost without you too…”Tony buried his face into the crook of Natasha’s neck.</p><p>She softly hummed a Russian lullaby that she remembered from her days before the Red Room. It always calmed her down.  </p><p>She combed her fingers through Tony’s hair, rocking him gently. She chuckled.</p><p>“I’m glad Fury assigned me undercover to work for you. I wouldn’t have it any other way! Thanks for keeping me Tony… Thank you for giving me a second chance at friendship.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't know if any of you noticed the titanic reference in Tony's nightmare 😅  "an insect (or in this case, a flea) that must be squashed quickly". I always thought Rose said that quote so menacingly and it just came to me while I wrote about 'Nightmare Natasha'.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once the initial shock wore off, it surprisingly didn’t take long for Nat to find her own rhythm with the “Stark family” – Tony, Pepper, Rhodey and Happy. </p><p>And although Tony wouldn’t admit to it, Nat had already surmised that Peter Parker had also joined the circle of Tony’s important people. She saw how much happiness Peter brought Tony whenever he stopped by the new compound. </p><p>Nat would often tease the genius that he’d adopted Peter as his own son already and she never got tired of seeing the slight blush that would dust Tony’s face, as well as the glimmer of pride that sparkled in his gaze whenever he spoke with the kid. </p><p>Natasha was happy for Tony; it made something inside her light up whenever she saw him smile—a real and bright smile that made Tony’s eyes crinkle at the corners and made him look 20 years younger. </p><p>But she was, truthfully, a little apprehensive about seeing Rhodey during his physio-therapy treatments. But once her respect was shown to him—the respect for Rhodey’s ability to equally communicate that he would still be able to rip anyone apart who hurt Tony, with nothing but his own piercing death glare– both parties had reached a mutual understanding.</p><p>She didn’t back down under his gaze and she earned Rhodey’s respect once he was sure that her statement was sincere- Natasha had come to care for Tony far too much to willingly hurt him again. </p><p>Tony, obviously, wasn’t present for their intense glaring competition, but he made the wise decision to not ask about it once he entered the room again after ordering a smoothie, even though he knew something had to have happened in order for Nat and Rhodey to get along within the span of only 10 minutes.</p><p>But the brunette didn’t care; they were relaxed around each other and Natasha was back at Pepper’s side to help her run SI.</p><p>Of course, that now meant that <strong>two</strong> impossibly unstoppable woman now controlled Tony’s schedule! And with Nat especially backing Pepper’s side, the genius couldn’t avoid simple SI meetings and gatherings anymore like he used to!</p><p>This, in turn, boosted the red-head’s smugness level and it always got a kick out of Happy and Rhodey when Nat told them the different methods she used to get Tony out of bed in the morning (one even involved hypnosis—she managed to hypnotize Tony into thinking a hungry goat was waiting to be released into his workshop to eat EVERTHING unless he got up for the morning! Don’t ask!). And even Peter couldn’t contain his snickering when he heard these stories!</p><p>“Et too, Mr Parker?” Tony clutched his chest in mock surprise one afternoon in the living room, helping Peter study.</p><p>“Sorry Mr Stark,” he’d say between chuckles, but they both really knew he was anything but sorry!</p><p> </p><p>But of course, it didn’t matter.</p><p> </p><p>Tony was actually…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>happy! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was picking up the pieces of his life and steadily heading into a better direction.</p><p>Natasha was secretly a big, cuddly mama-bear, so she always fussed about how proud she was to see Tony improve each day. Tony just suspected that it was because of too much time spent with Pepper.</p><p>But, he’d never felt safer when he had Nat by his side. She was always there for his night terrors, panic attacks and burnouts.</p><p>Tony felt <em>loved!</em> Just as loved as when he was with Pepper.</p><p> </p><p>Political meetings with Ross was always a bore, but Natasha was a natural-born trickster!</p><p>So, in between Ross’ monologs, she’d try to discreetly flick things into his eye, distract him with small laser lights, or just slurp her coffee <strong>EXTREMELY</strong> loud! But it never failed to make Tony laugh. And to look proudly at each other’s smirks was reward enough for the day.</p><p>They even had a little competition going to see who make Ross blow his fuse in each meeting and currently, Tony was in the lead!</p><p>“I’m <em>telling</em> you, Stark, that vein was close to bursting on his neck. You gotta give me at least 7 points for that!”</p><p>“Oh, <em>all right!</em> And I’m totally not just saying that, because I know you’re capable of setting a reptile loose in the facility!”</p><p>Tony was rewarded with a sickly – sweet, cheeky grin from Nat. He barked out a laugh and swung an arm around her shoulders.</p><p>They became very affectionate towards each other: Tony would occasionally peck a quick kiss to Nat’s temple or give her a side hug squeeze. Nat would either full-on put her arms around him or rub his arms reassuringly whenever things got tense with the media or with Ross.</p><p>People didn’t know that Tony Stark had Natasha Romanoff with him in the country, though – all they saw was another secretary with a blond bob- haircut, a long-hooked, broken nose and brown eyes. They’d managed to steal one of Shield’s identity changing face masks, so people who saw her, got to meet Ms Aliana Romans.</p><p> </p><p>        *                           *                            *</p><p> </p><p>Ms Aliana Romans was currently banging on <em>a certain genius’</em> door, trying to get him to the Annual Maria Stark Foundation gala.</p><p>“Tony Stark! I <strong>will</strong> come in there and dress you myself if I have to; we’re already 25 minutes late!”</p><p>“Oh, would you <em>relax</em>, Little Red!” A muffled voice screamed back through the door on the other side. Natasha huffed, incredibly irritated. Tony knew how much she hated that nickname.</p><p>She wasn’t that short, <em>was she?</em></p><p>Either way, it would earn Tony another punch to the shoulder.</p><p>Not 10 seconds later, the door opened and a well-groomed Tony Stark, in a Ralph Lauren suit, held out his arms at his side and turned for inspection.</p><p>“Satisfied, Ms Romans?” he teased, smirking broadly.</p><p>Natasha sighed in relief, but couldn’t help the smile that formed at Tony’s stubborn cheekiness.</p><p>“You, indeed, look very handsome, Mr Stark,” she replied sweetly.</p><p>“Thank You! I was- “</p><p>“But saying that would be inappropriate, wouldn’t you agree? Very unprofessional,” Natasha interrupted, her eyebrow quirked up in a silent dare.</p><p>The pair always made quips to each other like that, reminiscing back to her days as Natalie Rushman.</p><p>Tony’s lips pulled into a thin line, but his eyes twinkled mischievously. He breathed out in defeat, “I should’ve seen that coming.”</p><p>Linking arms, the two headed down to the garage where Happy would be waiting, while Natasha still giggled in victory until Tony’s revenge came later.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The ball would be as extravagant as always, but, also, <em>extra special,</em> since it would be the first time Rhodey would be there since the accident.</p><p>Tony’s prosthetics were almost ready for his best friend and Nat couldn’t keep that warm glow of pride out of her heart for the rest of the day when she came down to the lab to find Tony working on that project!</p><p> </p><p>“I know I shouldn’t say it, since there was no help from my part this time, but… it seems wrong to <em>not</em> say it, too.”</p><p>Tony turned around quizzically and found Nat bearing a warm smile at him.</p><p>“You got your best friend back, Tony,” she replied softly, ruffling his hair.</p><p>Tony’s returned smile was so big and child-like, it made Nat smile brighter! He pulled her in for a greasy hug and kissed the top of her head.</p><p>“Thank you, Agent Romanoff! But you actually <em>can</em> still help, though. Hand me that cutting blade, would you pleas- NO, <strong>HEY!</strong> DON’T <em><strong>THROW</strong></em> IT! <em><strong>NAT!</strong></em>”</p><p>She chuckled at the memory now in the limo, holding Tony’s hand, gripping it reassuringly.</p><p>Tony turned away from the window at the sudden touch, but when he saw it was just Nat, he smiled so quickly that it made her heart melt.</p><p>
  <em>'Tony trusts me…' </em>
</p><p>“I have the best sister in the world!” he whispered to her.</p><p>Nat smirked at him, “Now don’t get sappy on me now, Stark.”</p><p>But she still couldn’t help the wide grin that spread across her face.</p><p>Seeing it, Tony gave a <em>whoop!</em> in victory and laughed the entire ride!</p><p>He’d <em>never</em> let her live that down!</p><p> </p><p>                   *                 *               *</p><p> </p><p>Pepper ushered them hurriedly into the grand hall and created a bee-line for Tony to make his way to the stage for his speech.</p><p>Now, this was <em>Pepper Potts</em> we’re talking about, so it’s a natural trait to see her stressed, impatient, strict, or <strong>tons</strong> worried when it came to Tony.</p><p>But Natasha was a spy, so it was in her nature to pick up on things most people wouldn’t spare a second glance to.</p><p>Pepper’s hair was too frizzled, her lipstick was smudged, her dress jacket was askew and her nailbeds looked rougher than sandpaper from being bitten too much. She was constantly fanning herself, even though the air-conditioning was more than perfect, and kept making sideways glances to the guests.</p><p>It was as if Pepper expected an ambush of some kind to happen within the next five seconds.</p><p>Frowning, Natasha began to made her way over to Ms Potts who stood by the refreshments, but Tony came crashing into her side seconds later, clutching at her arm for support!</p><p>He panted a little bit, but was smiling brightly, “<em>Phew!</em> Woah, Aliana, I really <strong>don’t</strong> remember speeches being so fun to carry out! I only ever get excited about Expo speeches, but this was quite nice! I guess it’s because you all are here.”</p><p>Natasha turned, surprised, to him once she heard the comment, but Tony was blushing!</p><p>He smiled and shrugged; a bit shy. Natasha smiled back and hugged him, “A pleasure always to help you, Mr Stark.”</p><p>Snickering, Tony pulled out his phone at a message alert. In the span of exactly one millisecond, Tony’s eyes widened to the size of tires and his smile became bigger than the Cheshire Cat! His whole face literally glowed!</p><p>Natasha become worried, but Tony, honest to God, squeaked out, “<strong>Rhodey’s here!</strong>”</p><p>He took off like a gunshot and bolted through the crowd toward the entrance! Natasha burst out laughing whole-heartedly once she caught Happy trailing after Tony with a cupcake still lodged in his mouth!</p><p>Once she had her laughter under control, she made a bee-line for Pepper and caught her biting her thumb anxiously. Nat put her hand on Pepper’s shoulder and Ms Potts visibly jumped a few inches into the air with a gasp!</p><p>Now the spy was really worried!</p><p>“Ms Potts, what’s the matter? Do I need to take care of anyone?”</p><p>Pepper breathed in and out deeply for a few seconds before regaining her composure.</p><p>“I wish you could, Miss Romans, but against my better judgement, I’ve allowed this to happen!”</p><p>Natasha poured Pepper a glass of ice-water and rubbed her back reassuringly, “Pepper, slow down- you’re basically hyperventilating.” </p><p>Once Pepper gained control of her breathing, she looked to Nat’s concerned stare.</p><p>“Now,” the red-head stated calmly, “All I want you to tell me, is what you meant by<em> ‘allowed this to happen’</em>. I triple-checked everything with you, so what was changed that you allowed? What could you possibly allow that would cause you this much stress?”</p><p>Before Pepper could respond, it was Happy that interrupted them, “Ladies, please, if you’ll excuse me- the performances of the evening are about to start and Mr Stark has asked me to call you over. Mr James Rhodes has also already been seated at your table.”</p><p>With one last searching gaze thrown at Pepper, Natasha made her way over to sit next to Tony.</p><p>Their table was the closest to the stage and each table was shaped as a crescent moon so each guest could enjoy the performances. </p><p>Natasha tried one last time to talk to Pepper since Tony was engaged in conversation with Rhodey, but it was then too late.</p><p> </p><p>The stage was lit and the curtains were pulled back... </p><p> </p><p>And there he stood.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was in his uniform - standing centre-stage.</p><p>The entire hall of guests sucked in their breath.</p><p>Everyone was stunned into silence.</p><p>And in that silence, Natasha pieced it all together.</p><p>She was also shocked at first to see him standing there so relaxed, as if he wasn’t an outlaw. After all, how would he possibly manage get in? But with Pepper’s frenzied worrying and what she’d said earlier, it all finally fell together.</p><p>And that meant that Steve was there for one thing only...</p><p>She looked to Tony instinctively. His jaw was clenched and his stare was hard. But it was curious too, although he tried not to let it show.</p><p>But Rhodey was oozing pure anger. Tony’s knuckles had turned white from gripping his best friend to his chair. The brunette was trying to keep it all together under his masks, but Natasha could see deeper. Tony’s face was a storm of emotions waiting to blow over.</p><p>Her heart fell, but she put on a brave face for her friend. She wrapped both of her arms around his bicep and leaned into his side. Her presence made Tony feel grounded.</p><p>Natasha protected.</p><p>And she knew Tony needed protecting.</p><p>Pepper stared at Steve like she was making sure that he wouldn’t make her regret this decision. But Natasha was sure that Pepper already did.</p><p>Tony was still frozen stiff by Nat’s side and she gripped his arm, reassuring him that she was there.</p><p>Steve gripped the microphone tightly in his hands and breathed out deep into the speaker. The audience couldn’t see how pale he was; the soldier looked a little green too, but he most certainly could feel the sheen of sweat all over his body.</p><p>But he kept his focus on one brunette in front of him.</p><p>
  <em>It was now or never! </em>
</p><p>Slowly, Steve began to unclasp his helmet and he tossed it to his feet! His face was now exposed!</p><p>The entire hall gasped. <strong>Everyone</strong> would know his identity now. </p><p><em>‘What do you think you’re <strong>doing</strong>, Rogers?’ </em>Natasha narrowed her eyes. Rhodey’s own eyes widened, but it quickly turned into a frown too. This caught him off guard, but like Nat, he was going to solve this and not fall into a mislead trap.</p><p>But Tony remained in shock like the others. Pepper’s face was blank; Natasha figured that she knew that Steve would do this.</p><p>
  <em> But why? </em>
</p><p>“Good– good evening everyone,” Steve’s voice brought Nat out of her reverie.</p><p>She was back on guard. She glimpsed Happy standing stoick by the back exit, ready to make a retreat once things got dicey.</p><p><em>‘Good,’</em> she thought, and turned back to the blonde onstage, <em>‘Now Rogers… play your game…’</em></p><p>Steve gulped once he caught Nat’s predatory glare, but he cleared his throat and drew all his focus back onto Tony.</p><p>“I know how this may seem,” Steve’s hesitant voice carried through the hall, “but believe me when I tell you that I wanna do it like this. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”</p><p>He was met with a sea of quizzical expressions.</p><p>“I… I am Steve Rogers, but many of you know me as simply, Captain America. And yes, I am an outlawed criminal, but the truth is…” he paused, shuddering in a breath, “I want to right a wrong. And I don’t want to do that under a simple title. No, I want the world to know that it comes from the real human being behind the mask. I want Tony Stark to know that this apology comes solely from Steve Rogers.”</p><p>A silent murmuring wove between the guests and gossip already began to form on every person’s lips.</p><p>Every guest was filming this and watching for Tony’s reaction, but his face remained masked.</p><p>Steve continued, “He’s not gonna like it. He’ll most probably hate this idea of me going public with some of our issues… “</p><p><em>‘Damn Right,’</em> thought Nat,<em> ‘Steve, you obviously know this is madness. There’s only so few seconds, in an instance like this, to get your apology through. The government will have been tipped off of his location by now. We’ll have to get moving soon.’ </em></p><p>But no-one dared to move an inch.</p><p>They all waited anxiously for Steve’s next words.</p><p>Tony was hypnotized in place. Yet his mind was torn. He didn’t <em>want</em> to give Steve the slightest inkling that he was interested in the blonde’s take on an apology, but truthfully, <em>he</em> <em>was</em>. There was a part of him that was just so tired of hating Steve and he wanted to give the soldier the benefit of the doubt.</p><p>But the idea of the public meddling in any move they made scared Tony most.</p><p>Though, if Steve was brave enough to do this at risk of the media…</p><p>“The point I actually wanna get across,” Steve continued, his expression and his voice turning strong and authoritative, “is the fact that I want the whole world to know how big of a mistake I made... And how… how I drove away the <strong>greatest</strong> thing in my life,” his eyes locked onto Tony’s, “I want the world to know how deep I hurt him, in every way imaginable.”</p><p>Tony could’ve sworn his heart stopped and then started again. His body visibly shuddered each time he had to draw in a breath. His gaze never broke away from Steve’s.</p><p><em> ‘What are you doing?’</em> Tony silently pleaded.</p><p>Natasha leaned forward, curious.<em> ‘Steve won’t outright say what happened, but if he says just enough, I’ll finally know what happened between them that day in Siberia. I’ll figure out how much he hurt Tony.’ </em></p><p>Steve’s gaze was still focused on the brunette’s, “I need the world to know that Captain America is nowhere near perfect. He’s no ‘honourable knight who fights for peace’. No… I’m – I’m just a hypocrite… And I’m a terrible friend.”</p><p>The muttering rose – it grew louder and the volume climbed higher. One puzzled face looked to the next. Brows were furrowed and whispers of confusion and disbelief swam through the guests.</p><p>Steve cleared his throat loudly above it all, into the speaker and silence fell over once again.</p><p>But the air crackled with static charge.</p><p>Everyone felt it.</p><p>It began to spark with excitement! The guests became the vultures waiting on the edge of their seats to tear apart each word that would fall out of Steve’s mouth.</p><p>But the blonde didn’t let it get to him. His soft ocean eyes crashed into a fiery copper shade of brown that blazed with so much confliction.</p><p>Steve tried for a lame smile, but all Tony’s own lips could do was stretch into a thin line. </p><p>
  <em>‘I don’t know if I want to, Steve. Bottom line is: I can’t do it here in front of everyone. I’m sorry.’ </em>
</p><p>The beautiful thing about Tony’s eyes is that they portrayed each shade of emotion so flawlessly. It was both a blessing and a curse. And it was one of the reasons Tony took to wearing shades 24/7.</p><p>But Steve loved Tony’s eyes and he would always be sure to tell the brunette. He loved how <em>bright</em> they twinkled whenever Tony became excited about something or if he felt mischievous.</p><p>He loved how fierce they burned when Tony’s passion overtook him. Steve loved that there was so much pure emotion behind each stare.</p><p>It was the one outlet Tony gave him in order to break through the genius’ barriers when they first started dating.</p><p>Steve nodded to Tony when he saw the regret in those hazel eyes.</p><p>He made the decision to refrain from looking to Nat or the other members of Tony’s circle, knowing that he’d be burned to dust by their scrutinizing glares.</p><p>He kept everything on Tony.</p><p> </p><p>It was just them.</p><p> </p><p>Right there and then in that moment.</p><p> </p><p>Steve breathed in deep again, “I missed my past so much that it convinced me to believe the world was still the same as it was back in the 40s.</p><p>“But Iron Man… he would always be there to snap me out of that fantasy; he would always push me to keep moving forward. To be better in the <strong><em>future</em></strong>, but now… I never actually realized how much I took that for granted.”</p><p>He gave a forlorn smile to the genius. But Tony gaped like a fish and shook his head in a frenzy. Steve sighed.</p><p>He didn’t believe him... </p><p>He didn’t understand it- how any of Steve’s words could possibly be true.</p><p>Stunned silence overtook everyone. Some guests started tearing up and put a hand to their hearts. Some where so surprised that they dropped their phones into their dinner!</p><p>Rhodey quirked an eyebrow, relaxing somewhat and giving off a tone that said, ‘<em>Alright Rogers, you have my interest piqued, but don’t think I won’t still skewer you.'</em></p><p>Natasha’s eyes melted Steve into candlewax.</p><p>Pepper kept drumming her fingers on the table top, baring her wide eyes to Steve in the hope that he understood that his window of opportunity was closing.</p><p>The guests were still hooked like dogs drooling for a bone. This event would have the media buzzing for months! </p><p>“I was too selfish and too dependent on Tony Stark, that I didn’t even consider the fact that he needed me… he needed me just as much as I needed him,” Steve’s voice broke. </p><p>His eyes stung, “A man out of time is lost without a futurist… Captain America needs Iron Man… <em>I need Iron Man</em>,” The outlawed avenger clenched his teeth and scrunched his eyes closed. </p><p>When they re-opened, his dark, ocean eyes were glossed over with tears. “<em>I</em> <em>need</em> Tony Stark!” his voice rose and octave higher as he forced out the words before a sob tore through the hall’s speakers. </p><p>Almost everyone couldn’t help but tear up at Steve’s words, and that included Rhodey and Happy! </p><p>Natasha held on to Tony as a few of his tears slipped over. </p><p>
  <em>‘Steve… Steve really needs me?’ </em>
</p><p>And, in that moment... everything else truly fell away...</p><p>It really was just a kid from Brooklyn confessing to a genius brunette what he should have done, a long time ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Tony, I need you! And I’ll say it in front of the <strong>devil</strong> if given the chance,” Steve smirked, “but… I- I guess the US government is as close to that as I’ll ever get!” </p><p>Something fluttered in Steve’s heart when he saw a tiny chuckle actually escape from Tony’s chest. </p><p>“I didn’t say it to them back then, but I will say it now!” Steve faced the entire hall bravely, looking into each pair of eyes, “Good people like Tony Stark could see the bigger picture. He ultimately just wanted to protect people and keep them safe. And he knows that there will come a moment, when a threat would be too big. Human superheroes just wouldn’t be enough to end the fight.” </p><p>Tony blushed, but he didn’t flinch or give one second of attention to the cameras and video recorders that turned to him, waiting for a reaction. </p><p>
  <em>He smiled at Steve! </em>
</p><p>It was broken and watery with tears, but he <em>smiled! </em></p><p>A pained whimper left Steve’s throat and a few more unshed tears flowed over. </p><p>“He just wanted to go home,” his whole throat choked up, “Tony Stark wants to end all fights so that people just get to go home again.” </p><p>Tony’s breath hitched. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Isn’t that the mission? Isn’t that the <strong>why</strong> we fight- so we can <b>END</b> the fight? So we get to go <strong>HOME?! </strong></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You alright? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m home… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Aw, Steve! No, you didn’t have to-‘ </em>
</p><p>He shook his head knowingly. Classic Rogers. </p><p>Steve chuckled when he saw Tony’s reaction. The soldier was stubborn like that. </p><p>He waited for Tony to reconnect his gaze with him again, “But the problem is… people didn’t trust his technology. People <strong>still</strong> don’t trust his technology and I was one of them… I didn’t trust him and the worst part was…” </p><p>Steve’s look was so pained, it strained Tony’s heart, “The worst part was that I didn’t even see how untrustworthy he felt in his <em>own</em> team who he had given a home to.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘When I woke up in this world, I had nothing. You gave me a home.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Tony gave me a home. He made a man out of time feel like he had something to live for again by leading a remarkable team. And a leader is supposed to look out for his teammates; he’s supposed to look out for things like that… But I didn’t. And you have no idea how sorry I will remain for being so horrible, Tony.” </p><p>Both men were crying now.</p><p> </p><p>Tony felt like he was underwater.</p><p> Everything else was muffled and fading away in the current. He was swimming to Steve. </p><p>He was swimming toward a promise. </p><p>He was swimming toward something hopeful and familiar.</p><p> It felt like Tony was reaching for his home just as much as Steve was... </p><p>He followed Steve’s voice and Steve held on to that. He had to make Tony sure of his love. Steve’s voice carried through the hall to small handful of guests who let their tears fall as well. </p><p>“This wonderful man felt he had to hide away his beautiful mind, which isn’t right. His mind contains ideas that are <strong>good</strong> and <em>pure</em> and meant to create a better home for mankind. </p><p>"But the US government was also too cowardly and too scared of his mind, so they did the best thing they could: they lied.” </p><p>Gasps. </p><p>A fragile hush fell over like a silk cloth. The patriotic Captain America was questioning his own government? </p><p>“That’s right!” Steve knew their unspoken question would come up sooner or later, “Tony Stark knows the game of politics and is ultimately the best player at it. Only this time… I hate and regret to say that Thaddeus Ross was better. He switched up the game, he dug new loopholes, but… he still couldn’t get the best player to fall for his trap.” </p><p>They grinned at each other. Tony felt another blush creep up his neck. </p><p>“But I fell for it,” Steve became solemn, “I didn’t trust Tony Stark’s judgment. I was too scared of the idea that I’d become just another propaganda puppet again, to trust that he would never let that happen. </p><p>"I had the best player in the game; I had the best person with me, but my ignorance made me lose a lot. I lost my home. And I lost that beautiful mind the moment I walked out of that office. I lost that beautiful mind that I love about him so much! I love all of him—and I’m still in love with him.” </p><p> </p><p>And then <em>everything</em> turned to chaos! </p><p> </p><p>The muttering turned to outright yowls of protests and exclamations!</p><p> </p><p>“<strong><em>What?!</em></strong>” </p><p> </p><p>“It <strong>can’t</strong> be!” </p><p> </p><p>“Did I hear that right?” </p><p> </p><p>“What’s this man talking about? Is he even the <em><strong>real</strong></em> Captain America?” </p><p> </p><p>“Captain America is a <em>homosexual?!</em>” </p><p> </p><p>“I thought it was just a rumour.” </p><p> </p><p>“So is Tony Stark homosexual or bisexual?” </p><p> </p><p>“I <strong>refuse</strong> to associate with <em><strong>any</strong></em> of this!” </p><p> </p><p>“What is your angle here, Captain?” </p><p> </p><p>“Is this really true?” </p><p> </p><p>“So what will happen to the Avengers from now on?” </p><p> </p><p>“Captain America, what is your angle here? Is this some sort of blackmail for Tony Stark?” </p><p> </p><p>“Why would he come back to someone like <em>Stark</em> if he defied the law for the so-called Winter Soldier?” </p><p> </p><p>“<em><strong>ENOUGH!</strong> </em>THERE IS <em>NO</em> ANGLE HERE! THERE IS NO TYPE OF LEVERAGE OR- OR BLACKMAIL INTENDED! </p><p>"THIS IS All ME– STEVE ROGERS, CAPTAIN AMERICA- WILLING TO PROVE THAT I’D RISK EVERTHING… until… </p><p>"Until the love of my life knows how much I <strong><em>miss</em></strong> him and how much I care. Especially, how much I wish I could be his again, if… if he’ll have me.” </p><p>“Tony, I really think we should go now,” Natasha whispered. She was on edge with every accusation flying back and forth. She was worried for Tony. “Kotyonok, I- “ </p><p>“No. No, not- not yet… Not yet Nat, <em>please?</em>” Tony’s voice was small and paper-thin and wavering.</p><p> His eyes pleaded for Nat to listen. To <em>really</em> listen and hear what he’s saying without having to open his mouth. </p><p>Natasha’s face grew hard and calculating. </p><p>The odds were against all of them. The guests were in an uproar and demanding the truth - demanding answers. Pepper was shouting on a call above the noise. Rhodey was trying to get Tony’s attention, yelling at him that they should leave Happy and the security team were trying to calm the guests, but it was to no avail. </p><p>All the while, Tony… </p><p> </p><p>Tony and Steve… </p><p>They were holding a conversation of their own. They searched each other’s gazes and somehow formed the words that they could not before. </p><p>Tony smiled faintly. Steve was smiling back. </p><p>
  <em>Something was forming... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Steve cleared his throat loud once more to settle everyone. </p><p>“YOU ALL WANT ANSWERS? ” he yelled. </p><p>“Then <em>HERE</em> they are: don’t focus too much on anything else. Just focus on the fact that Tony Stark is worth <em>EVERTHING</em>. Focus on Captain America, a rogue avenger, who wants Iron Man to know how big of an idiot he is. </p><p>"I’m willing to apologize globally and I’m so ignorantly hopeful that it would work towards a start where I could earn his trust and respect back. I’m willing to say this to the world. I’m not scared of the repercussions. </p><p>"Right now, in this moment, I’m nothing but a broken man, who’s lost without his futurist…” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Steve…’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>All of a sudden, a melody started playing! </p><p>The softness of a flute combined with the soulfulness of a piano created something so melancholic. And yet it was so tragically beautiful. .. </p><p>
  <em>“Everywhere I turned, I hurt someone…” </em>
</p><p>Tony gasped! He’d only ever heard Steve sing a handful of times. </p><p>And now… His voice was so smooth and yet so raw and pure! He clasped the microphone stand tightly in both of his hands as he poured out his heart in the only meaningful way he could think of.</p><p> It was all for Tony. And the brunette never looked away. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And, yet, there’s nothing I can say to change the things I’ve done </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’d do anything within my power </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’d give everything I’ve got </em>
</p><p>
  <em>To get back on the path </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That would lead me to him now…” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tony couldn’t stop his crying now. This song was dedicated to him! Steve altered the words of one of their favourite movies they’d watch together to apologize. His voice was so beautiful. </p><p>Anticipation still hung in the air, but everyone was more now shocked at the fact that <em>Captain America could sing! </em></p><p>
  <em>And he was serenading Iron Man! </em>
</p><p><em>‘Steve is singing to me. Steve is singing Phil Collins to me- I don’t believe it!’</em> The corner of Tony’s eyes crinkled as he laughed in surprise.</p><p> He put one hand to his heart and one to cover up the sniffling noises pouring out of his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m in love with a beautiful man… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I let him down </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He trusted me, believed in me </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I let him down” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tears fell like waterfalls as Steve reached that particular verse. He poured out <strong>everything</strong> into the words, <em>hoping</em> that Tony would understand and know how deeply Steve regretted each decision he made.</p><p>Tony listened.</p><p>And he understood.</p><p>His heart <em>ached</em> and he felt like he couldn’t get enough air in, but at the same time, he’d never felt more elated!</p><p>Steve’s voice carried him.</p><p>His soul rose and fell with the music!</p><p><em>He was flying!</em> He was a child again, gazing with wonder.</p><p>He was aware of every nerve, every heartbeat, every beat of the song. He was floating... It was wonderful! Tony had never felt anything like it.</p><p>
  <em>And he understood. </em>
</p><p>His head and his heart <em>understood</em>.</p><p>Steve’s voice deepened with emotion and Tony heard it all. His soul again arose when the music reached its crescendo:</p><p>
  <em>“Of all the things I hid from him, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I cannot hide my shame </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I pray each day, anything I try </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Would take away the pain! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I can’t get out of this dark place </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve got no hope and no future </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know I can’t be free </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Without him, there’s just </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No other way </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I can’t face another day.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>While Steve gathered his breath, the melody of the song changed slightly. The beat changed.</p><p>Everyone, save for Rhodes, Pepper and Nat, was crying as Steve reached for the mike and sang again:</p><p>
  <em>“In this world so full of fear </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Full of rage and lies, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You still saw the truth so clear </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So dry your eyes </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just dry your eyes now </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’m so grateful to you </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’d have lived my whole life through </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lost forever </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If I never knew you.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Everything Steve had said in his speech was reflected in the songs he was singing. And Tony felt so touched. This was everything Steve thought of him!</p><p>
  <em>‘This is real. Steve wants to make amends.’</em>
</p><p>He looked into the blonde’s eyes. Steve had not looked away.</p><p>Tony nodded to him- he had to tell Steve he understood.</p><p>He heard Steve for what he had to say.</p><p>And Steve’s face pinched when he saw it. He could’ve cried again right then!</p><p>But he had an apology to give and he wasn’t finished:</p><p>
  <em>“I know that your heart and</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mind’s too beautiful</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know that you want to make </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The whole world bright.” </em>
</p><p>Tony blushed again, but smiled sweetly at the blonde.</p><p>Steve grinned back and he felt so reckless, he even winked!</p><p>Tony laughed, but hastily put a hand to his mouth as Steve sang the next verse:</p><p>
  <em>“But I refused to believe</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That fear and hate </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Could be so strong </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I just left you </em>
</p><p>
  <em>With their whispers</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the night...”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A pinch pricked Tony’s heart.</p><p>Siberia…</p><p>Leaving Tony in the cold…</p><p>It would <strong>always</strong> haunt him. But now, he knew that it haunted Steve too. Just as much. </p><p>The crescendo built again. It sent gooseflesh down Tony’s body!</p><p>
  <em>“But now still, my heart is saying </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You were right </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You were <strong>right! </strong></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"For if I never knew you </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’d have lived my whole life through </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Empty as the sky </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Never knowing why </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lost forever, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If I never knew </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You… “ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Applause <strong>thundered</strong> in the hall as most of the guests even gave Steve a standing- ovation!</p><p>But Natasha took that as her cue.</p><p>She heaved Tony up with Rhodey’s help while Pepper made her way to the stage to get Steve out of there before handling the bulk of crowd control.</p><p>Happy was at their side in an instant, clearing a path to the limo parked in the alleyway. Nat hauled Tony and herself into the back while Rhodey rode shotgun with Happy.</p><p>Natasha breathed in and out heavily as the limo sped away. She removed her disguise and dusted herself off.</p><p><em>‘This should be one for the yearbooks,’</em> she thought.</p><p>Looking to Tony, she saw her friend still had the glazed, far-away look in his eyes and was still reliving the night’s events.</p><p>Nat pulled him into her side and rubbed his arm to create some friction and bring him back down to Earth with her grounded touch.</p><p>She loosened his tie and collar and shrugged off his blazer. Nat offered a bottle of water to his lips and he drank it graciously.</p><p>She cradled the side of his face and forced him to look into her eyes.</p><p>“Tony, do you know who I am?” she asked firmly.</p><p>Tony’s eyes closed for a moment and he cleared his throat. When they re-opened, his focus was sharper and clearer.</p><p>“Nat,” he whispered, “Where… where are we going?”</p><p>Natasha sighed, relieved. She smiled at the tired genius.</p><p>“We’re on our way to one of your safehouse cabins,” she replied softly.</p><p>“Oh,” Tony murmured absently. He snuggled closer to Nat’s side and he lay his head on her shoulder. Natasha smiled as his drowsiness kicked in.</p><p>“Nat?” he yawned.</p><p>“Yes, Antoshka?” she replied, fondly.</p><p>“I… I think Steve really did mean all of it… and- and I understand, but… I just… I just don’t know if I’m really ready to forgive him yet… Does that make me a bad person?”</p><p>The red-head spy stared forward.</p><p>A few slow seconds passed as she processed all that had happened.</p><p>“No, kotynok,” she finally replied softly, placing a kiss in his hair, “Not at all. It only means your heart is scared of being broken again. But, rest now, I’ll help you figure out whatever you need to in the morning, okay?”</p><p>“Okay…”</p><p>And with that, Tony soon fell asleep as the limo headed for Tony’s cabin to recuperate.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, the only Easter Egg here is me using some Disney songs like the Disnerd I am 😄 </p><p>The first one is sung by Phil Collins titled "No Way Out" from Brother Bear 2003 soundtrack. <br/>🐻🦅❤️</p><p>And the second song is from Pocahontas 1995 titled "If I Never Knew You" 🌺🌾🍂🍃</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony and Natasha make it to the cabin to recuperate after Steve's public performance. Natasha literally knocks some sense into the soldier and the bond between her and Tony is strengthened.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Very rustic and a little old. But a modest little place, nonetheless.</p><p>It was by the lake, carefully secluded and hidden. Tony had purchased it right after the whole Mandarin fiasco. A lot of pestering from Miss Virginia Potts also sought to it. She knew how much Tony needed his rest, since she realized how much the worst of his PTSD and anxiety affected the man she loved. So, she thought it’d be the sure-fire way for Tony to relax, away from everything.</p><p>Tony and Nat arrived at the cabin early the next morning, around seven-thirty, and the first thing that the red-headed spy did, was put the brunette to bed. He was <strong>completely</strong> out of it and he fell like a small bundled heap onto the mattress! Natasha chuckled at her small kotynok. She pecked a quick kiss to his cheek and then went to freshen up, herself.</p><p>She took a long, cool shower and changed into some comfortable spare sweats she’d found in one of the wardrobes. Happy would come by tomorrow with the rest of their luggage. Getting her things from around the kitchen, Nat began to make herself something to eat. Her thoughts began to mull over while she made her sandwich.</p><p><em>‘Everything is going to be different now, that’s for sure’</em> she sighed.</p><p>She collapsed onto the couch with her peanut butter sandwich and slipped in a random rom-com DVD. The uproar in the news wouldn’t be worth listening to right now. Pepper would come by later with the updates and Natasha made a mental note to book the woman a week-long spa trip from Tony’s account. Lord knows what she has to endure each time something like this happens.</p><p>Rubbing her eyes tiredly, Nat was almost about to doze off herself, when she heard the horn of a car outside.</p><p>It took less than a millisecond bolt of lightning for her senses to activate on high alert.</p><p>That sounded like Happy.</p><p>But Happy never forgets anything. He <strong>never</strong> comes back around for something.</p><p>As light as a feather on the wind, Natasha crept low towards the window to investigate, her pistol comfortingly at her side. Crouching under the windowsill, she cracked hr head a fraction higher to peer out on the lawn. It wasn’t Happy’s car.</p><p>Nat sighed, exasperated.<em> ‘Just brilliant!’</em> she thought irritably. Glancing at the stairs to listen for Tony’s footsteps, her shoulders slumped with relief after a few seconds had passed, grateful that the car horn hadn’t woken him up. There was no need for Tony to gain more stress if he was awake for this.</p><p>Natasha got up and opened the front door. She leaned against the frame, seeming nonchalant, but her eyes scanned the surroundings.</p><p>Steve walked towards her after a few seconds, stopping a few feet away. He looked tired; Natasha observed. He probably drove all night getting here.</p><p>‘<em>Pepper must’ve told him where we’d be. And that car's either a rental she gave him or Steve stole it himself to get here. I wouldn’t put it passed him. White shirt, jeans and leather jacket. Plain. Hardly any pockets or places to hide weapons. Obviously changed right after last night’s ordeal. He drove all night. Unarmed, but the shield must be close. Probably in the trunk or backseat. He never goes without that thing. Bags under his eyes which can only mean he’s been inhaling coffee like Tony to try and stay awake. Hair is dishevelled, so he definitely came here straight after last night. That was his main goal. And I’m about to find out why.’ </em></p><p>“Are you <em><strong>absolutely sure</strong></em> you weren’t followed?” Natasha questioned. Steve nodded. His face was pale and sad, the dark circles under his tired eyes made his face droop.</p><p>“I’m sure,” he replied, his voice thin from exhaustion, “Pepper managed to get one of SHIED’s skin mask disguises, so I transformed into a simple employee and left an hour after Happy drove you away. I took his route, like Pepper ordered me to, so I doubt anyone’s coming.”</p><p>“So why are you here then, Steve?” Nat pressed.<em> ‘Let’s get to the point, '</em> she thought,' <em>I’m tired.’ </em></p><p>“I thought last night would’ve given you a clue. Tony needs space to process everything that happened so that he can deal with the media. You confuse him, Steve. That much is obvious. So I highly doubt your presence will bring more clarity.”</p><p>The blonde nodded again, smiling tiredly, “I know Nat, believe me. But I can’t walk away knowing that I haven’t done all that I could to earn his trust back.I’m too selfish to just let him go. And you know I never know when to quit.”</p><p>He shot her a smirk. </p><p>Nat found her lip pulling up in a smile as well. But Tony was her friend. He was her family; a little brother she never knew she needed.</p><p>Her face turned stoic once more.</p><p>“What more could you possibly do?" she asked incredulously, "You revealed your identity to the world to proclaim your love for him and serenaded him with the words you couldn’t say... What made you choose that song, anyway?” She was generally curious. Her eyes became bright with amusement.</p><p>Steve smiled bashfully. She could see his blush.<em> ‘Ever modest. His emotions are real then.’ </em></p><p>“Well, uh, Tony would always tease me about being a- a Disney fan, so, uh…” he scoffed, rubbing his neck timidly, “So I thought, y’know… what song could ever be personal enough that it- it would mean something to him to show that I still care? And that I- I still value those small moments like watching Disney movies on… on the couch with him and…”</p><p>His voice drifted away. Steve's eyebrows furrowed as a confused look came over him. Like he couldn't understand how such a memory seemed so far away. </p><p>Natasha saw how Steve’s face changed as he got lost in those precious moments in time.</p><p>It was a funny thing to reminisce about a memory. To reminisce so vividly that you find yourself reliving that moment piece by piece as if you are there again.</p><p>And then you sink back into reality.</p><p>Or it crashes back into you like a freight train and you’re so bamboozled, you find yourself questioning which reality is which.</p><p>Natasha’s days in the red room taught her one good thing though. She knew how to accept that those good memories could never be relived, no matter how hard they tried. Unlike some people that couldn't accept that.</p><p>But they taught her that good things like that made you weak, so you had to distance yourself from it, unless it could be used to manipulate others. </p><p>Natasha was able to get lost in those memories, contrary to belief, only because she convinced herself that all she was seeing was an alternate reality.</p><p>It wasn’t <em>her</em> reality anymore. She was just watching a film about an innocent Russian girl experiencing happiness and goodness in the world. And when the memory ended, the film ended, and she was still focused in this world – <em>her real world</em> - but Natasha could still enjoy that piece of warmth. Because it wasn’t her life, so she couldn’t care enough to want to go back to it.</p><p>“Steve?” she called out softly, still smiling.</p><p>His head snapped up with a crack, kicking himself out of his reverie. He cleared his throat loudly.</p><p>“Uh, so, uhm, yeah! That’s- that’s how I did it. And Disney always has the best music for any circumstance in life, so all I had to do was search for an appropriate song, and alter the lyrics, if I could, so it would mean more to us… me and Tony.”</p><p>She nodded. Nat pushed herself off the frame and walked over to the supersoldier.</p><p>“Still didn’t answer the question of what more you still want to do to prove yourself,” she said softly.</p><p>Steve then reached into his jean’s pocket and pulled out a plain USB stick. Nat quirked an unimpressed eyebrow.</p><p>“Steve, I doubt a sex-tape is going to work.”</p><p>As soon as the words left her mouth, the blonde spluttered unceremoniously and chocked on his own spit, his whole face turning beet-red like a tomato!</p><p>Natasha chuckled, patting his back to help get it all out. “I’m kidding. I’m kidding!” she laughed. <em>‘It’s so easy to get him like this- I can see why Tones finds it fun!’ </em></p><p>After Steve regained his composure, he gave the spy a glare, which just made her snicker even more. Steve sighed in exasperation.</p><p>“It’s not- it's - My God, Nat!" he slapped his forehead irritably. She chuckled harder.</p><p>"It’s – it’s just… It’s just another attempt to show… just- just how lost I am without him.”</p><p>His expression turned solemn. Regretful. Nat sympathized with him, but there was still something she needed to know.</p><p>She drew in a breath, “Look, Steve... I’ll make you a deal here.”</p><p>He blinked, surprised.</p><p>“I will make sure that Tony gets the USB and sees your apology, <strong><em>if</em></strong> you promise to tell me something first.”</p><p>She searched Steve’s eyes. She searched his body language for any reaction. He tried not to show it, but Nat could see the beads of sweat gather on his face and it had nothing to do with the heat. She saw him swallow thickly down his throat. His heartbeat picked up erratically. He clenched and unclenched his fists, but ultimately stuck them in his pockets. His jaw was locked.</p><p><em>‘Got him,’</em> she thought victoriously,<em> ‘He still feels ashamed about it. He’s agitated. He’s scared. What did you do, Rogers?’ </em></p><p>“Alright, sure, go ahead and ask.” Steve shrugged, but his shoulders were stiff.<em> ‘Nice try Steve, but I can see it still bugs you.’ </em></p><p>Nat crossed her arms and stared him down.</p><p>“What did you do to Tony in Siberia?”</p><p>His eyes widened in fear. But Nat stood her ground, her eyes baring into him like a creeping, icy fire.</p><p>Life went on around them.</p><p>Birds chirped to one another, hopping between branches. The wind blew through the grass and trees. Ducks splashed in the lake. But Steve stood frozen.</p><p>He was shaking. Looking anywhere but at Natasha. But Natasha never broke her stare. The minutes seem to slow. Time seemed to stop and then speed up again as Natasha broke away first and turned around walking to the door.</p><p>“Fine,” she called, “Then Tony won’t see his apology and you can finally disappear and- “</p><p>“Well, why do <em><strong>you</strong></em> care so much then, Nat?” Steve fired back.</p><p>Big- <em><strong>BIG</strong></em> mistake! </p><p>She spared no hesitation. She whipped right back around pushed herself against him with an almighty force of strength!</p><p>Steve even stumbled back, flailing his arms wildly like a windmill! But before he could lose his balance, Natasha gripped his collar and dragged him forward, down to her eye-level. Steve’s eyes were wide with fear!</p><p>Natasha’s eyes blazed with a cold, hard fury.</p><p>“<em>Why do I <strong>care?!</strong></em>” she hissed at him.</p><p>She scoffed, “Oh I care, Steve, because <strong><em>you</em></strong> didn’t even spare a second or even <strong>a minute</strong> to listen to him and compromise or even settle down and work things out like you always do.</p><p>"You <em>know</em> Tony. You know how his mind works. And you know how guilty he feels when he has all his equipment-all his tech- but not everyone is saved. He has so much he wants to live up to, because he’s been brought up to believe he’s worthless and not worth caring about and imperfect.</p><p>"So if he’s not perfect, then he fails. And you didn’t <strong>understand</strong>. You didn’t <em>care</em> to understand that, Rogers and you made him fight the love of his life without sparing him anything!”</p><p>She kicked him hard in his gut so that Steve buckled over in pain with a croaked whimper squeaking out of him. </p><p>Still clutching his shirt’s collar, Natasha knelt down and forced Steve to look at her. She grabbed a fistful of his hair and kept his head up. Her expression was venomous.</p><p>“Now I don’t know what the hell happened in Siberia, but from the nightmares Tony constantly gets and what he cries out in his sleep, I know it was something you didn’t tell him. And I intend to find out, because Tony deserves a lot more grateful people by his side. But you proved yourself to be unworthy of that…. And I actually regret letting you escape that day in Germany at the airport.”</p><p>Nat shoved Steve’s head to the ground and stood up, glaring down at him. She held up the USB stick she’d managed to pull.</p><p>“I’ll get this to Tony, mostly because he needs to know that this mess is not all his fault. He tries so hard Steve, and he still loves you. It’s agonizing to watch him process all that he feels, because I agree that he should hate you, but he doesn’t want to anymore." </p><p>Her one last warning crept like tendrils of ice around Steve's heart and lungs.</p><p>Her tone was low; her voice shook with the fury she held, "But know <strong>this</strong>, Rogers- and listen carefully! <em>If</em> he decides to forgive you, it won’t mean that he’ll trust you. And if you hurt him again, I’ll make sure to come for you. And when I do, I <em>swear-!</em> I’ll make you <em><strong>bleed</strong></em>. I’ll make you cry out in pain so loud, you’ll be crying out for the release that only death can bring.”</p><p> It was a deathly quiet whisper, but it sent shrills down to Steve’s core. </p><p>She shook her head, disappointed, “Just leave, Rogers. Pepper will hate it, but she’ll keep you safe. She already hates herself enough for letting you perform last night, even though Tony keeps trying to tell her that she meant well. It’s not her fault, so don’t make her life a living hell, okay?”</p><p>With that, Natasha took the last few steps to the door and slammed it shut. The car's engine could be heard purring to life and the soon faded away into the distance. </p><p>Steve had left. </p><p>She breathed out heavily, her anger and bitterness slowly falling away in her heart.</p><p>Thankfully Tony was still asleep upstairs. Nat decided it was best to distract herself and ease Tony into this new turn of events by making him his favourite: cheeseburgers!  Ready to eat once he woke up. Munching on her peanut butter sandwich, she began cooking Tony’s guilty pleasure.</p><p>F.R.I.D.A.Y softly played some AC/DC while the meaty and spicy aromas flooded the kitchen. Natasha slowly found herself swaying to the music subconsciously – bopping to the rhythm, completely at ease and... and <em>having fun! </em></p><p>She was enjoying herself.</p><p>Listening to rock music while she made junk food for her friend was something she’d never thought to associate with her life.</p><p>And so Nat found herself making an important decision: she wouldn’t separate this memory.</p><p>She’d keep it as her own.</p><p>Her own little pocket of happiness that she could come back to, to prove to herself that this new life she’d made indeed had some good moments of its own.</p><p>And it was all thanks to a man with an eye-patch who recruited her to go undercover and look after a certain playboy genius.</p><p>Said former playboy genius was making his way sleepily down the stairs, still rubbing his eyes. Tony was dressed in his signature tank-top and tracksuit pants with… neon orange socks?</p><p>Natasha giggled. She served up the last burger on the kitchen counter and made her way over to peck a kiss in Tony’s forehead. He gave an adorably, drowsy child-like smile that made Nat want to protect him from the world even more.</p><p>“Your favourite, Kotynok: cheeseburgers! I hope I made them okay. But then again, you know that everything I do is excellent, don’t you?”</p><p>The pair settled together on the couch, letting the DVD play in the background. Tony scoffed, fawning irritation, “First off, Little Red, I- <em>OUCH!</em>–“</p><p>“You <strong>know</strong> we talked about using that nickname, Anthony!”</p><p>“Yes, and I so dutifully ignored your input. As usual. Keep up, Nat.”</p><p>Natasha rolled her eyes, sighing loudly. ‘<em>As expected,' </em>she thought dryly. </p><p>She punched Tony’s shoulder affectionately.</p><p>“Oh, my <em>sincerest</em> apologies, Mr Stark-I’m the one who should’ve known better. Now, as you were saying?”</p><p>He mock glared at her – a sure fire sign that they had grown close. No one just <em>glared</em> at Natasha and lived to tell the tale. </p><p>“Well, for one thing,” Tony continued, “these cheeseburgers are <strong>definitely</strong> awesome, Nat! And second, there’s still no way I’m falling bait to that <em>obvious</em> trap you just set up.”</p><p>He smugly took a bite of his burger, quirking his eyebrow and waiting for Nat’s move.</p><p>Nat gaped in surprise, obviously playing along, and she made her voice shrill and posh, “I most certainly have <em>no idea</em> what you are talking about, Mr Stark! <em>A trap?</em>” she asked innocently.</p><p>“Yes- <strong>trap!</strong>” he mocked back at her, “You serve me my weakness and then so <em>subtly</em> drop the remark that everything you do is perfect? Obviously, I cannot answer that when A.) you are a master assassin, Natasha and B.) I’m clearly under your spell with your magic cheeseburgers, so it would be a foul to answer now, wouldn’t it?”</p><p>Natasha chuckled heartily as she pulled Tony close and began to tickle him like the monster she was!</p><p>
  <em>‘Two can play at that game!’ </em>
</p><p>“AAAH! <em>Natasha!!</em> Wa-aait! Wait! Hahahha! Ahah! Nat! Uncle! <strong>Uncle!</strong> I plead mercy! Haha! Nat! Aahh!”</p><p>“Now <em><strong>THIS</strong></em> was the actual trap, Kotynok!” she laughed, letting him go after a few more seconds.</p><p>Tony pulled away to get himself back in order, but nuzzled up close into Nat’s side like the ultimate kitten. She kissed Tony’s dishevelled curls and pulled up a blanket around them. </p><p>Natasha knew Tony needed touch to reaffirm the affection she felt for him. So they would always stay close, watching TV, reading, or have music play in the background or Tony would doodle on Nat’s hands. Or even give the red-head a manicure!</p><p>Natasha would admit, albeit to her demise as Tony’s ego grew to it, but the genius had style!</p><p>As the pair cuddled on the couch and finished off their cheeseburgers, Natasha saw though how Tony’s face grew solemn and his stare went far away in thought. She knew that look.</p><p>Nat tweaked Tony’s ear, making him jump into reality again. “What’s going on in that mind of yours, Antoshka?”</p><p>Tony sighed, slumping his shoulders. He twiddled with his fingers in his lap as Natasha rubbed his back, reassuringly.</p><p>“I just- I just don’t like the fact that you have to be cooped up here with me, Nat, when there are tons of other options. Like Barton. You should go see Barton. In fact, you should stay there. It’s safer and it’ll be more on the legal side to list you on house arrest too. But why stay here with me, Nat? Just… <em>just, why?</em>”</p><p>Tony’s expression was so open. It was so pure. His eyes were magnified; they were clouded over with worry and fear for her response. Natasha knew how frightening it was to become so vulnerable like this.</p><p>She held both of his hands in her own and looked deep into his eyes.</p><p>“Tony,” she said clear and firm, “you’ve allowed me to become part of your family. To become your appointed sister. So, I have to look out for you as your sibling- “</p><p>“Oh, come <em>ON</em> Nat!” he shoved himself away and began pacing furiously in front of her.</p><p>“We’re not siblings! We aren’t! I mean, what-what do brothers and sisters do? I honestly don’t know and neither do you, but it isn’t us. Especially when it’s us! I mean, we barely talk. We barely talked when we were the Avengers. I know you don’t trust me - you even said Iron Man<em> 'Yes'</em>, but Tony Stark? <em>‘No’</em> And I know that was because I was unstable and, yes, I was dying, but- “</p><p>Tony’s jaw clenched. He looked away from Nat’s laser stare.</p><p>“But I don’t want to know how much that has influenced your perception of me, if it leads me to discover that it only caused you to distance yourself from my old playboy persona. And I don’t want to sit with that thought.</p><p>"I don’t have the strength to deal with the fact that one report influenced the amount of pity you’re supposed to give me or something, or- or that it’s influenced whatever small thread of real friendship had started to form. I don’t need that after all that’s happened…”</p><p>He tiredly rubbed a hand over his face and his whole body slumped, like the strings holding him up had finally been cut.</p><p>“Nat, we don’t have anything real to build this relationship on. And if it’s not real, then it feels like you’re just gonna as easily slip away like everything else. Everything that was good that I imagined…”</p><p>Tony continued to look away, out into the yard.</p><p>“That’s my fear right now,” he whispered, shakily. Natasha sighed.</p><p>
  <em>‘I can’t force him to believe it right now, but I have to make him see that I honestly do care about him.’</em>
</p><p>She cleared her throat.</p><p>“You wanna know what brothers and sisters do?” she asked softly with a small smile on her face. Tony looked back at her, puzzled. He remained standing, but she knew his interest was piqued. He could never resist one of her mind challenges. Nat straightened up, folding her hands in her lap.</p><p>“Some siblings- they… they only pretend that they hate each other most of the time. Or all of the time. They argue with every fibre in their being over the smallest of things, but at the end of the day? They know they’ve got each other’s backs.”</p><p>Tony’s crossed arms unfolded by his chest. They fell limply to his sides.</p><p>“Some siblings," Nat continued, “have a pure and good and <em>natural</em> bond that goes deep down into their hearts and they hardly ever argue. They get along so well, that it’s almost nauseating to others and it’s just so out of the ordinary.”</p><p>Tony shuffled nearer. His face was still hard and serious, but the curiosity glimmered in his brown eyes. He went to sit on the coffee table in front of her.</p><p>Natasha grinned. <em>‘I knew I would get you,’</em> she thought smugly.</p><p>The red-head leaned forward. Her expression was soft and open towards the genius. Her voice grew softer as she continued, “And some siblings are a combination of everything: they are the best of friends, the worst of enemies, they are embarrassing, they tease each other, they stick up for each other- the whole deal.”</p><p>She paused. She looked down at her folded hands. “But it’s a human instinct to protect what you care about in life, Tony. And that thread is the strongest in family, because family consists of more than one person. Therefore, more threads of protective bonds are created. Because a human is also blessed with the ability to love so greatly-so deeply-but is also cursed with every opposite emotion. So family will fight. They grow spiteful towards each other, they-they become angry, jealous or even afraid of one another.”</p><p>Natasha cupped Tony’s face in her hands, lightly stroking her thumbs tender and soft over his skin. Tony’s lashes fluttered at the touch and he leaned into it. He placed a quick kiss into her hand, letting Nat know he wanted to apologise for his outburst earlier.</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>Her voice was a soft murmur, but it was happy and it sounded blissful. Her eyes held love and her face glowed in the beams of sunlight streaming through the windows. She looked young and happy.</p><p>Her voice was light and silky as she whispered to him, shrugging carefree, “And yet, through all of that hate and ugliness, when it finally disappears… <em>love</em> is left standing under all of it. And that, Tony is the greatest thing to be created with.”</p><p>He was crying.</p><p>The silver tears fell in small rivulets down his face. Natasha wiped them away unhurried and let him feel the emotion. She pecked a kiss to his wet cheek and led him to sit next to her again. She missed his presence. Even when they were less than a foot apart.</p><p>“Now, since the both of us are trying to- for lack of a better word- ‘un-fuck’ the damage done to our capability of emotional trust, we can pretend to hate each other, when really, you must know, Tony, that this outlawed spy would protect you ‘til death.”</p><p>She twisted around to face him directly, firmly placing her hands on his shoulders, “This spy does care very deeply for the sensitive genius sitting in front of her. And you don’t have to say it back, Antoshka, because I can see it in your eyes. You care about me. Whenever you would upgrade my equipment, or fire quips at me during missions just to see if I was well enough to respond with my regular sarcasm.”</p><p>Tony chuckled through his sniffles.</p><p>“You only doubt my love, because you still see yourself as someone unworthy of being loved. And I can understand that.”</p><p>Nat sighed despairingly, “I know I’ve given you plenty of reasons to doubt whether or not we had a friendship. And... I shouldn’t have your forgiveness when I told you I was the one who let Steve and Barnes go that day in Germany.”</p><p>A tear fell down her cheek and Tony wiggled closer to squeeze her in a reassuring hug. Nat ruffled his hair fondly.</p><p>She breathed in deep, swallowing her tears, “But despite me being an ex-assassin that has the capability to kill you within a nanosecond, I love the fact that you aren’t scared to call me on bullshit or insult me-“</p><p>“Woah, woah, Nat, wait, I- I need to stop you right there before anything else,” Tony sat up and looked at her unwaveringly, “Truth is, Nat, deep down? Yeah - I don’t know how, but… but I knew you wouldn’t kill me. Despite my idiocy or my sarcastic comments. Especially because I-“</p><p>Tony became chocked up.</p><p>He covered his face in his hands and Nat saw his shoulders hitch as he tried to hide his tears. She rubbed his back comfortingly.</p><p>Tony’s voice was shrill and wavering thin as he fought against the thick tears threatening to wash over him in a tidal wave.</p><p>“Because-because I insulted you about-about how it stick-sticks in the DNA a-and being a <em>betrayer</em>– and, God that –Nat I’m <em><strong>so sorry!</strong></em> That was so, <em>so</em> insulting and I didn’t need to throw my hate out on you! Being a fuckin’ double spy? I just- oh my God, I’m an <strong>idiot!</strong>”</p><p>Tony’s whole body heaved as each sobbed racked through him and tore at his throat and heart. Natasha’s own silent tears flowed mercilessly as she tried reaching out to comfort her friend. Tony was shaking fervently and refused to meet her eyes.</p><p>“Come here.” She pulled him close and wrapped him up snug. “Shh, now, it’s okay. It’s okay… It’s alright, Tones. Okay, come one now shhh… shhh… There you go.” She reached over for the tissue box and held one to his nose. “Blow,” she commanded. Tony smirked, but dutifully took it and cleaned his face up. Nat kissed his hair.</p><p>“I know you didn’t mean it, Antoshka - it’s a Tony thing. I can’t say it didn’t hurt, but it didn’t surprise me. Your eyes alone are the most open windows I’ve ever seen into any soul before. I saw the anger coming-one way or another.”</p><p>She smirked, even though Tony couldn’t see her, tucked underneath her chin.</p><p>“You know… you’ve got a good heart too, Miss Rushman. Even though people tried to mess with it in your past. I hate Clint on most days, but I’m glad that finding him, helped to bring back that side of you. Fury infuriates me-no pun intended, so-<strong>NAT!</strong>- Come <em>ON!</em> Don’t laugh! I- Hahahaha.” The pair chuckled lightly for a few seconds, just happy to feel so… <em>happy!</em></p><p>“But seriously,” Tony continued once their giggles died down, "recruiting you was one of the best things to happen in my life! And yeah, I knew there’d be boundaries you’d set with a too grown-up past like yours, so I respected that. Honestly it felt quite uplifting!”</p><p>He absent-mindedly played with the frays of the blanket bundling him up, “Because, other than Pepper who would resort most days to push me to change, you just had a brief acknowledgement – kind of like ‘You’re hurt. I’m hurt. You can open up when you’re ready.’ It felt quite refreshing.</p><p>"And since I’ve seen you try to better yourself, how fair would it be to judge you based on one instinct that’s been pounded into your brain, when there’s so much more to you than a terrifying title? You’re still a person, Natasha. A dangerous person, but a softie deep down too!”</p><p>Tony let his eyes fall shut in the steady calm silence, just embracing her touch, her spicy perfume, her comforting hold on him. Tony felt safe. He felt loved and understood. He pretended not to hear the quiet sniffles Nat tried to push away. She wasn’t that comfortable to let herself cry uncontrollably in front of him yet, and Tony could respect that. But he couldn’t ignore the quiet whisper Nat managed to choke out thickly:</p><p>“You’re really something else, Stark!” she whispered softly, knowing anyway that he could hear her.</p><p>Tony smiled.</p><p>Their friendship had no doubt been formed on something strong that afternoon.</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'M SOOO SOOO SORRY I'M LATE!!!</p><p>I haven't given up on this fic, I still love it with all of my heart and I plan on finishing it before school starts for me. I'm not sure when I'll be posting the next chapter, but the draft is halfway done, so it will be soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Even though I <strong>completely</strong> hate the fact that you can actually pick me up anytime and anywhere... In <em>this</em> particular instance… it’s ironically, and surprisingly, a major advantage!”</p><p>“Thank you for both complimenting and backhanding my strength Kotynok, but don’t think I don’t know that you’re stalling! This <em>was</em> your idea by the way!” Natasha couldn’t help grinning cheekily as she called to Tony a few feet away from her. They were both going for a swim in the lake and Tony was unsurprisingly hooked on the idea that they could recreate the iconic ‘Lift’ scene in Dirty Dancing. Only now, it seemed he was having second thoughts.</p><p>Nat chuckled at the genius as he shook out his hands and rolled his head side to side as he prepared for the run and jump. He exhaled deeply.</p><p>“Okay, Nat… “ he called, “Get ready now! <em><b>WOO-HOO!</b></em>”</p><p>With an almighty howl, Tony ran and leapt into Nat’s awaiting arms! He was airborne for only a second, before he felt the steady grip of her hands around his waist. He felt grounded, and yet so elated!</p><p>“I’m flying! Nat! I’m flying!” his voice mimicked a young Kate Winslet from the Titanic movie.</p><p>“Don’t make me laugh, Antoshka!” she huffed, “Pick a classic to recreate and stick to it!”</p><p>Natasha stepped back to regain her stance, but she then felt the slippery surface of a rock on the riverbed!</p><p>Several things then happened at once:</p><p>‘<strong>Oh no!</strong> Oh no! Oh no- oh <em>shit!</em>’ her thoughts were running a mile a minute, while everything else played out in slow motion around her. She was gripping Tony tight in her hands- there were sure to be bruises!- but then her foot touched the rock and she was falling, slipping backwards, counting the seconds until she hit the water!</p><p>“Oh no! <em><strong>Tony!</strong></em>” her yell was both in fear and in warning as they both fell back into the water with a <em>SPLAT!</em></p><p>They resurfaced milliseconds later, both coughing and spitting up water, hanging onto each other and let the lower half of their bodies trek the current.</p><p>After a few minutes of chests heaving, Tony and Nat looked at each other, locked their gaze for no less than 7 seconds, and then cracked up again, chortling with laughter at what just happened!</p><p>Their hair was plastered to their faces and droplets dripped from their bodies, but they didn’t care!</p><p>“That was so <strong>AWESOME!</strong> ” Tony yelled. He splashed up buckets of water so it rained down around him as he ballet twirled, showing off. Nat giggled and splashed him some more. Tony retaliated valiantly, and soon, a small battle ensured!</p><p>They splashed and screamed with joy until late in the afternoon when Happy pulled up with Pepper for the latest updates.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As soon as Tony dried off, Pepper was launching herself towards him and engulfed him in the biggest hug, he was knocked out of breath with an <em>oomf! </em></p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m <em><strong>so</strong>,<strong> so sorry </strong></em>I didn’t tell you! Oh Tony, I don’t know why-- I don’t know why I obeyed his wishes and lied to you. I should’ve told you that he was there, but I was so <em>scared</em> of your reaction and I didn’t want you to hate me and I didn’t want to lose you again, because I wasn’t there for you during the Accords and I know not telling you is basically the same, because I betrayed you, but I didn’t want to. I just-“</p><p>Pepper’s rambling swam in Tony’s head like a whirlpool.</p><p>He had to un-clutch her arms around him and he pressed his hands solidly against her shoulders.</p><p>“Pep,” he began, looking her straight in the eyes (Nat was so proud. She taught him that particular stare.)</p><p>“You’re rambling,” he stated plainly with a fond smirk. Pepper blushed.</p><p>“And I don’t hate you-I could <strong>never</strong> hate you! You’ve <strong><em>always</em></strong> been there for me. You, Rhodey and Hap and now Nat as well,” he turned to look fondly at Natasha and Happy talking in the kitchen, pouring drinks.</p><p>He turned back to her, “It’s enough for me. And I know you have a good heart, so letting Steve serenade me that night was actually a good thing.”</p><p>She did a double-take, giving him her signature confused glare that only Pepper Potts could give to Tony Stark.</p><p>“A <em>good</em> thing?” she asked, incredulously.</p><p>Tony shrugged, “Yeah… Yeah, it actually was. He gave the apology that he felt I deserved. And I got to hear it and see how stubbornly persistent he is!”</p><p>He smirked and even blushed a light dusty pink, and Pepper noticed, but didn’t comment on it.</p><p>“I needed to hear it Pep. Otherwise I would’ve driven myself mad, constantly thinking about the <em>‘What ifs’.</em> Now I don’t have to. And I’m that much closer to making a clear decision… Thanks to you and you always knowing what the best thing is for me.”  </p><p>Pepper always had two defaults when it came to Tony.</p><p>The first and most popular was her stoic <em>“No!”</em> expression, or her <em>'completely-giving-up-look'</em> whenever Tony did something completely Tony-<em>ish. </em></p><p>The more rare look was her loving smile she’d give when her eyes sparkled with laughter each time he opened up like this and turned romantic and vulnerable.</p><p>She savoured those moments when it was the latter. And <em>this</em> was one of them.</p><p>“Oh, Anthony Edward Stark, you complete <em>sap</em>!” she pulled him in for another hug and knocked the air out of his lungs a second time within one hour!</p><p>Natasha looked up and saw the two wrapped in each other’s arms. She smiled, thankful they made up. The two of them always became stronger through moments like that. </p><p>“Antoshka?” Nat called softly, “Drinks are ready and Happy has the latest updates on security. I’m sure you’re dying to know what a certain soldier has caused in the media?”</p><p>Her pursed lips did nothing to hide the grin breaking through. Tony blushed again and stuck out his tongue childishly at the redhead. She ignored this, and quirked an eyebrow at Pepper, giving her the floor.</p><p>They made their way to the lounge, but before sitting down, Nat made sure to swat Tony’s head fairly.</p><p>Tony squawked indignantly, but Natasha simply blinked at him, her eyes innocent.</p><p>Pepper tried hiding her grin at the two and decided to sit in between them to prevent further antics.</p><p>“Right. So,” Pepper began, “the media is, no doubt, in a major uproar since Mr Rogers came out to the public and apologized globally to Tony. The press is resorting to bribing government and security members to track down the rest of the rogue Avengers, but King T’Challa has spoken with Happy and assured us that Wakanda’s security is still as vicious as ever.”</p><p>Tony snorted in amusement as he pictured General Okoye threatening the paparazzi with her spear and army.</p><p>“Mr Rogers is still hidden in Stark Tower, until Wednesday,” Pepper continued, “when Happy will leave for Wakanda to smuggle the captain back. Happy's cover will be the premise that he’s there on behalf of Mr Stark, to deal with final Accord documentation with T’Challa.”</p><p>“I suggested that Rhodey ride with him in the jet’s suite just so I could witness the level of tension and hear him crack his knuckles ominously at Captain Rogers, but Miss Potts, here, forbade it,” Happy interrupted with a glare thrown at Pepper.</p><p>Pepper glared right back. Tony and Nat shared one look and had to bite their fists to contain their laughter!</p><p>“<em>Thankfully</em> Rhodey has a physio session then, so we’ve all saved ourselves the greatest murder of the century. Because I cannot handle more paperwork,” she added flippantly.</p><p>Tony then cleared his throat dramatically to break the stoic atmosphere, “Pepper, My Love, you can have 6 months to yourself if you wish; I’ll just pester Nat or Rhodey to help me with SI.”</p><p>Natasha glared at him, but Pepper chuckled, “Why, that is mighty kind of you Mr Stark, I’ll hold you to that offer.”</p><p>Tony snuggled up to Pepper’s side and she wrapped an arm around him protectively, kissing his curls. Happy smiled at them from the armchair he was currently falling asleep in and shared a look with Nat.</p><p>It was nice to see Tony know that he was loved by them.</p><p>“So, what <em>IS</em> the media saying about Steve coming out and declaring… what he declared?” Tony asked, pulling away from Pepper’s side. He tried to be nonchalant, but everyone saw through it. </p><p>No one commented on his pause however.</p><p>Tony just wasn’t sure of he was ready to face it. And yet, he knew it would ultimately be the most important decision right now.</p><p>“Well,” Pepper sighed, “You have the usual haters and homophobes, but after the general shock, many fans are happy and supportive about it and are hopeful if it becomes something more between you two. But it is your decision, Tony.”</p><p>Pepper’s soft gaze locked with his brown eyes. He saw the seriousness of the situation and felt it in her words, but he also saw the support in her eyes. It was solid and it was comforting. She and Nat both had that uncanny ability and it soothed him; it made Tony feel safe, despite all that was happening around him.</p><p>He gave a deep, tired exhale and rubbed his palms on his jeans nervously. “What questions do I need to answer?”</p><p>Pepper gave a supportive smile.</p><p>“Just the general ones, like always," she replied, reading on her Starkpad, "but here are theones that pack the most heat: Do you accept the apology? What is the status of your relationship with Steve? And how will this, versus the laws of the Accords, affect the dynamic of the Avengers and a possible reunion? It will just be a public statement, but then we’ll be with you from there.”</p><p>Tony looked up hopefully at this. They all gave him reassuring nods and loving smiles.</p><p>“Thank you,” he whispered bashfully, looking down at his legs.</p><p>Happy laughed. “Alright, enough of this! We’ve only got limited time Pepper and I’ve got an outlaw I need to prep for smuggling him across the border!”</p><p>He downed the rest of his cocktail and stood up shakily. “Woah!” he wavered.</p><p>Tony rushed to steady him, chuckling, “Maybe Pep should drive on the way back.”</p><p>After saying their goodbyes, and after F.R.I.D.A.Y. heated up some chicken and curry for dinner, Tony made his final decision to watch the video on Steve’s USB.</p><p>Nat didn’t lie and said that she was scared for him. She was scared for what would happen after this. She had no way of protecting Tony when he watched whatever was on there. She had no way of shielding him.</p><p>“Nat, it’ll be okay," he gave her a squeeze before loading the video.</p><p>They were in bed; Nat with her arms protectively around him. Her one last attempt to reassure herself that she could protect Tony, no matter what. The both sucked in a breath as the video finished loading.</p><p>A bearded Steve Rogers appeared on the screen. A subconscious smile began to form on Tony’s face. He loved that goofy look Steve always had. It made his heart hurt all the more though. Nat rubbed his arms reassuringly as they listened to Steve speak.</p><p><em>“Hey Tony,”</em> <em>Steve began hesitantly. “So, if you’re listening to this, odds are that I maybe did something right the first time and your curiosity was piqued high enough to watch this video.” He gave a thin chuckle, “But, then again, you can’t help but let your curiosity get the better of you most times, right?”</em></p><p>Steve smiled at them through the screen and Tony found himself smiling back.</p><p>He was right about that.</p><p>
  <em>“It’s a good thing F.R.I.D.A.Y agreed to edit this video,” he continued, “otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do, or how to even get this to you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sighed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s my one last attempt I can think of to show you that I am <strong>deeply</strong> sorry. I let you down. And that’s the honest truth. And I am <strong>so</strong> sorry! I’m so sorry for not telling you about your parents. I’m <strong>so</strong> sorry for keeping that from you, Tony, when you had a right to know. And I’m so sorry for not compromising on the Accords – I should’ve known that you’d always have our best interests at heart but I- I was just so scared! I-”</em>
</p><p>
  <em> He choked off, sighing, and gazed down despairingly at his hands. </em>
</p><p>Tony couldn’t bring himself to look away now. As he saw Steve so broken like this, it conjured up a swirl of mixed emotions. It was exactly like that night at the gala. It became just the two of them. He vaguely felt Nat’s grip on his arms, but his focus was all on Steve.</p><p>
  <em>“I was just so <strong>scared</strong> of what would happen. What would happen to the team- <strong>to us</strong>… what would happen to me, because I couldn’t go back to being a government puppet. I just couldn’t. And if we already disagreed on the Accords, then I don’t even want to know what else could’ve happened to us if I told you about Bucky and…” He paused to look at the camera again.</em>
</p><p>Tony saw how his eyes glistened. His heart spasmed.</p><p>
  <em>“We only got less than a year together, Tony… and I didn’t want reality to mess up that piece of heaven. You were so hesitant to get together after Ultron; I didn’t want to give you another reason not to trust me. I’m too selfish that way. You deserve more than me, but I can’t walk away knowing I didn’t try all that I could,” he clapped his hands on his thighs all business-like and breathed out deeply, “So…here's my final message.” </em>
</p><p>Steve reached out next to him and picked up a guitar that lay outside the camera lens angle.</p><p>Tony’s eyes widened, ‘When did you learn how to play guitar?’</p><p>He looked to Nat in surprise, but her face was complete stone. Only a quirked eyebrow showed Tony that her interest was piqued. A familiar sense of reassurance and comfort rolled over him when he looked to Nat’s assessing glare. She cared for him so much, it sometimes didn’t even feel real to Tony. But small moments like that made it real.</p><p>He focused again on the screen, smiling at his overprotective sister.</p><p>
  <em>“I only just learned the guitar to play this song and impress you, so be a little easy on your judgment, okay?” Steve joked, shooting his signature dopey smile. </em>
</p><p>Tony chuckled happily. It both surprised and confused him how Steve was able to take him on such a roller-coaster of his feelings and yet, he still had Tony experiencing that happiness from what was left.</p><p>
  <em>Steve’s hands delicately strummed the cords and he began to play. As he played, his smile never broke. It was a smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners and a lonely tear escaped them. </em>
</p><p>‘Oh Steve…’</p><p>
  <em>“The light of the morning found us sleeping in our bed.” </em>
</p><p>Tony gasped.</p><p>As he sang, Steve faded into the background and a collage of pictures flooded the screen. Each picture came to the front as Steve sang each lyric. The first to come forward was a random selfie they took in bed one Saturday, because Steve said that he most absolutely had to capture Tony’s bedhead!</p><p>Tony felt light and elated as each picture came into focus around the captain, as he serenaded Tony one last time while the memories flowed around him.</p><p>
  <em>“We finally got our fairy tale and it was exactly like what they said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I took you for who you are and, to me, you’re not imperfect.”</em>
</p><p>A picture of them in the park on their first date, a picture of them at a restaurant, at movie premieres and galas with the team;  going to the beach and just simple nights where Tony would come home late from SI and Steve would surprise him with a home-cooked Italian meal!</p><p>Pictures of taking Steve dancing and F.R.I.D.A.Y. capturing Steve’s frightened expression the first time Tony took him flying in the suit! Every digital picture flew to the foreground around Steve as each word flowed like honey from his lips.</p><p>
  <em>His fingers struck the chords effortlessly as the crescendo built and he poured every ounce of passion into his words: </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sure, you might think too much, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>drink too much and stay out too late. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Most days, you’ll feel like the fool, but you don’t have to change! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You could give me the stars, but they’ll never shine as bright as your heart!” </em>
</p><p>Tony's eyes burned.</p><p>The first hot tear fell. And the next.</p><p>And the next.</p><p>They fell in small rivulets. But Tony didn’t care. Steve was crying and he was crying and everything that Tony pushed aside came forward: <em><strong>the love</strong></em> that he was too scared to admit he still felt for Steve, the ache in his heart, because of his confliction of whether or not it would be good for him if he let Steve in again - <em>everything</em> came forward. And it all seemed to settle at Steve’s words.</p><p>
  <em>“I know I’m too hopeless, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>but you must understand-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want this imperfect love to start over again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I broke it apart and, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>all I got is my second-hand heart…” </em>
</p><p>It tugged at Tony’s heart to hear how choked up Steve became. But he listened. And, once again, he heard Steve clear as day.</p><p>
  <em>“Every stupid mistake,</em>
</p><p>
  <em> every choice that I made </em>
</p><p>
  <em>leading up to the moment I just cast you away- </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’d never want to lose you again! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, I’ll never… I’ll regret it every day.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The melody grew soft once more. Steve’s lithe fingers strummed the chords absent-mindedly as he gazed into the camera; gazed at Tony through the screen. </em>
</p><p>His eyes held so much pain. So much regret. It was a raw and real honest  that struck Tony breathless.</p><p>Steve always joked that one could see every single emotion in Tony’s eyes so flawlessly; it’s what caused him to wear shades every day.</p><p>But Steve’s eyes were something different.</p><p>It was only for a few fleeting moments that you could catch the primal, raw sincerity in his gaze.</p><p>Then, it turned flat and colourless; not as vivid as before. It’s because Steve’s been trained to be a soldier, a captain. He’s not allowed to show weakness in front of his troops or on the battlefield. So when you see him- when you <em><strong>really</strong></em> <strong><em>see</em></strong> Steve… it’s something extraordinary!</p><p>Tony saw it then.</p><p>He saw it in the sincerity of Steve’s ocean-blue eyes as he sang out the love and hope he contained in his heart.</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll regret it every day…” his voice sang softly. </em>
</p><p>‘I didn’t believe you then… but… but now I do. I believe you Steve,’ Tony nodded to himself as the salty tears streamed down his face.</p><p>‘I do believe you… and... I still love you too!’</p><p>It was then that Tony’s entire soul flew weightlessly to the stars. </p><p>Everything felt… <em>more! </em></p><p>The happiness and peace draped over him like the softest silk. The fear, the hesitation and the anxiety simultaneously came crashing forward against him thunderously!</p><p><strong>Everything</strong> was more intense!</p><p>But he savoured every second of it. He savoured each emotion coming through. Because he knew now, what he felt, would finally give him the answer.</p><p>His heart hammered ecstatically as the crescendo built again and Steve poured every ounce he had into the last chorus!</p><p>
  <em>“And sure, you might think too much, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>drink too much and stay up too late.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Still, people think you’re the fool, but I’m the one who should change. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I broke this love apart and… all I gained is this battered, second-hand heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>My friends agree this is hopeless,</em>
</p><p>
  <em> but they don’t understand </em>
</p><p>
  <em>just how deeply I hurt you, almost dying at my hand- “ </em>
</p><p>A gut-aching sob rocked through Tony’s body as he heard the lyric. Steve’s voice had grown thin and wavering as he fought back his own tears to continue the song.</p><p>
  <em>“I broke your trust and I… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I broke your beautiful heart…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A few shaky breaths were released. Steve’s shoulders heaved silently as he breathed in quaveringly. He looked off to the side, seeming lost in thought. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t… lose it again,” he whispered, “I need your sapphire heart.”</em>
</p><p>A breathless cry escaped his throat and it gutted Tony’s heart.</p><p>He was ninety-eight percent sure that he heard a quiet sniffle next to him, but knew better not to question further or he’d never hear the end of it from her.</p><p>The final notes strummed melancholically.</p><p>
  <em> Steve’s angelic voice quivered as he sung the last few words, “I’m too… broken for another start… I need your beautiful heart.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He gave one last forlorn look into the screen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Tony,” he whispered, “I love your sapphire heart…” </em>
</p><p>Tony clamped a hand to his mouth to silence his weeping.</p><p>The screen faded to black with the final words <em>‘Whatever you choose… I’ll love you always’</em> fading in, written in beautiful calligraphy.</p><p>The video stopped there.</p><p>The silence hung heavy around them. Tony didn’t trust himself to speak first. He snuck a glance at Nat who still stared at the laptop as if it held more answers only she could see. After a few heartbeats, she closed her eyes, breathed in deep and exhaled again slowly. She turned her gaze to Tony, who looked at her with expectant eyes.</p><p>“Whatever you decide,” she began calmly, “I’ll know you made the choice with both your head and your heart.” Her smile was honest. Reassuring. It held love.</p><p>“Tony,” she sighed fondly, “Pepper’s got you covered, so don’t worry. You still have time to make your decision. And you know,” she clasped both of his hands in hers, “that I’ll be right there beside you! <em>Although…</em>”</p><p>Tony quirked an eyebrow.</p><p>Nat’s smile grew cheeky, “You know I can only offer my guidance so far.”</p><p>
  <em>There it was! </em>
</p><p>“You’ll have to take the big leap on your own terms, Antoshka- just like you took that big leap this morning!” she laughed heartily and snorted! And Nat felt so accomplished when Tony couldn’t help himself any longer and joined in with her!</p><p>They snickered to themselves hopelessly for a few longer moments, before Nat handed him a washcloth (“I figured there’d be tears!”) to clean up his face.</p><p>They snuggled together, waiting to fall asleep as Nat comfortingly massaged her hand through Tony’s curls to help him unwind from the day’s flood of information. It was soothing.</p><p>But it didn’t keep his anxious thoughts at bay.</p><p>Tony sighed tiredly, “I miss the days when Pep used to plan my speeches for me and I’d just show up and read it while winning the crowd over with my charm.”</p><p>Nat snorted humorously.</p><p>“You called that charm?” she teased.</p><p>Tony clamped a hand over his heart in mock outrage, “A man can only take so many blows to his ego, Miss Romanhoff!”</p><p>She chuckled, placing a kiss on his temple.</p><p>“Apologies, Mr Stark. I promise, I’m all-ears this time.” As the words left her mouth, the ball of anxiety knotted Tony’s stomach tighter. </p><p>He tried not to show it in his tone as he joked airily, “Aahh, you know… I was just thinking: how ‘bout a whole day of doing nothing? Huh? We go swimming in the lake again, we nap, we lounge on the porch or on the grass and have a tan?”</p><p>Nat heard his anxiety.</p><p>“F.R.I.D.A.Y, lights up to thirty-five percent please.” She scooted up further and tilted his head up so she could see his eyes. He shrugged dully.</p><p>“Was worth a shot,” he mumbled groggily.</p><p>“Tony…” her voice held that knowing, lecturing tone Tony always despised getting.</p><p>“What do you want me to say, Nat?” he sighed once more, letting his eyes fall shut so he wouldn’t have to burn under her assassin’s stare.</p><p>“I- I love Steve. Yes. <em>So much!</em> And because of that, it all<em> hurts</em> just as much!”</p><p>She steadily rubbed up and down his arm soothingly, wanting him to continue. Tony looked at her, the fear real in him, “Nat, what if- what if I can’t ever trust him again? What if… <em>this</em> was the final test to prove whether or not I could forgive and become a changed man, and I <strong>failed?</strong> I know that I fucked up so many times, but Steve always stuck with me. He always understood.”</p><p>Tony scooted up into a sitting position and Nat followed. She placed a consoling hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Tony fiddled with the loose strands of the duvet as his worries finally flowed from him like a river.</p><p>“I found a safety in something that wasn’t my workshop. And it felt… it felt <em>really</em> good. I loved him for that from the start and each and every little quirk of his just made me fall in love with him more and more, every day…</p><p>"Through all my bullshit, he stuck with me. And as fucked up as I am, you gotta believe me that I tried my best to help him through his dark days too. But the more you care, the more you have to lose… I guess…”</p><p>A pause laced with silence. Tony’s jaw clenched tightly. His gaze was far away.</p><p>“<em>God</em>, loving Steve was beautiful!” he whispered. Natasha wondered if it was more to himself than to her.</p><p>“Hurting Steve is something I always warned him about. But in the end, I don’t think I ever felt more pain than when that shield came down on me. There was no hesitation. And then he was just… gone…”</p><p>His eyes grew dark and hollow. Tony was transported back to that moment. Back to that raw pain. It just wouldn’t quit! It wouldn’t leave him!</p><p>“Being hurt by Steve is something worse than flying into that wormhole. It’s worse than my vision. Nat, I just – “</p><p>“Tony, stop,” she pleaded softly.</p><p>Her hand rested against his cheek. She slowly turned his head so he could look her in the eyes. The green irises of her eyes danced with the gold of the lights. So bright. Her stare never wavered. But her smile always reveals the warmth behind her cold exterior.</p><p>“Scootch closer Kotynok, I need you to remember this.”</p><p>He shuffled close under her arm and looked up with his big chocolate-brown doe eyes that Nat loved so much.</p><p>She leaned in close.</p><p>“Remember this,” she whispered, her tone soft and loving, “whatever happens- whoever does <em>whatever</em>… I want you to remember why Jarvis, Rhodey, Pepper, Happy and me stick around, Tony. Your heart has always been too good for this world. And people have always wanted to break it in with bitterness, but they <strong>never</strong> succeeded. Every time, you always came through. You want to invent things that are good and that secure our future. We stick around, because <em>we’ve</em> seen that! We’ve <strong>felt</strong> that love you give and want to continue to give! We won’t give up on that. You’re too precious to give up on…”</p><p>Tony was crying. He was a blubbering mess that couldn't comprehend how lucky he was to have found a family like this! </p><p>“Just to - to be clear… When - when you say <em>'we'</em> … do- do you mean -?”</p><p>“Yes Tony. Me as well," Nat smiled, "I felt it from you. And I don’t mean <em>'you'</em> like <em>'you and the team.'</em> Just you. And I still feel it now.”</p><p>She kissed his nose fondly.</p><p>As the last of his tears fell and he settled in to sleep, Natasha still lay awake.</p><p>She stared at the ceiling until she heard Tony’s breathing even out and was sure he was in deep sleep.</p><p>She snuck out of bed silently with her laptop and locked herself in the guest bathroom downstairs.</p><p>Natasha’s hands shook as she opened up her laptop. She breathed in and out steadily.</p><p>
  <em>‘In… and out. In… and out – just like that, Nat. Come on!’ </em>
</p><p>F.R.I.D.A.Y had uploaded the footage from Tony’s helmet onto her internal hard drive.</p><p>Exhaling on last time, she whispered, “Okay F.R.I.D.A.Y, show me.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaahhhh!! I can't believe we're almost at the end! Just basically a chapter and a half until we get to the end! 😊💙<br/>Thank you all so much for sticking around with this story! I'll probably post the next chapter tomorrow night, if not before Sunday. </p><p>The song Steve sings is titled Second-Hand Heart by Ben Haenow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise! I decided to update earlier! 😄 I'm just so excited to finish this story, I couldn't wait. And I'm really happy about this chapter and the scene that follows. I wanted to write it the best way I could to engage you readers, so hopefully I succeeded and got the flow and tone right😅</p><p>Please enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve was still incredibly surprised when he pulled up at the cabin again. He’d nearly jumped out of his own skin when the burner phone went off and a message from Tony popped up, telling Steve to meet him at the cabin the next morning.</p><p>Now that he was here though, Steve’s suspicions rose higher. He was all for being hopeful, and that maybe Tony had come to a conclusion about the two of them and the team, but it was just all too off…</p><p>He checked the message again:</p><p>
  <em>Could you come over tomorrow? Just after breakfast maybe, around 10am? I figured we definitely needed to discuss a few things as soon as possible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> 22:50</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It seemed straightforward enough and definitely sounded the same as Tony would in person: business-like, confident, but it held that uncertain, insecurity of his that he tried to cover up with light humour.</p><p>Steve smirked, fondly.</p><p>‘Yep, that sure sounds like Tony. Maybe I’m just too paranoid.’</p><p>Tucking his phone back into his pocket, Steve looked up and saw Nat walking towards him. He opened his mouth to apologize for their last fight, but she cut him off <em>very</em> quickly!</p><p>“You <em>sick</em> <strong>FUCK!</strong>” she yelled.</p><p> <em>SHWACHT!</em></p><p>Like the crack of a whip to his face; the crackling spark of a gunshot going off in the air, Steve felt the sting of Natasha’s slap right through his body!</p><p>He cradled the side of his face and felt how hot his skin was to the touch. No doubt her handprint would be branded on his face for days. His whole face was stunned.</p><p>Natasha's eyes were cold and merciless; her face stoic and hardened in fury.</p><p>“You are a sick <strong>fuck</strong>, Steven Rogers!” she hissed venomously. Her hushed voice dripped with disbelief. She never thought he would be capable of something so cruel.</p><p>Steve held out his hands pleadingly, “Nat, whatever it is- “</p><p>“<strong><em>NO!</em></strong>” she yelled.</p><p>It struck Steve silent.</p><p>He clamped his mouth shut immediately, flinching back with owlish wide eyes.</p><p>Nat’s eyes were flames blazing. He’d never heard her voice carry such anger.</p><p>“I saw the footage!” she forced out thickly. Her jaw clenched. “I saw the footage from Tony’s suit and I- “</p><p>She paused.</p><p>The Russian spy screwed her eyes shut as the images flooded her mind.</p><p>
  <em>Steve beating relentlessly at Tony’s armour. Tony’s frightened voice asking F.R.I.D.A.Y to analyse Steve’s fight pattern. Steve towering over Tony as he slammed his shield into the reactor!</em>
</p><p>It froze Natasha's body.</p><p>And Steve felt the chill of the cold, icy fear as it seeped into his bones. As it ran through his being- slithering into his veins and cells until his body stiffened with wide eyes. </p><p>“H-how - how did you-I - what do you mean I-“</p><p>“F.R.I.D.A.Y. showed me the footage last night of your <em>little battle</em> in Siberia, while Tony was sleeping. She displayed it from Tony’s helmet. And I saw <em>everything."</em></p><p>Her steely voice dropped down into a deep, rumbling growl that sent more chills running up Steve’s spine, "I saw <strong>EVERYTHING</strong> Steve!”</p><p>He was pinned, frozen with fear, under her icy glare.</p><p>“I don’t know who you are anymore Rogers!” she fired at him, her body vibrating with the force of her words, “I don’t know you. I don’t know how someone like you, who Tony offered countless compromises to and, even when <em>YOU</em> didn’t, he still came to find you, and yet, you still crushed him when he found out his parents were murdered by the very friend you were so desperate to protect!”</p><p>With every statement fired at him, Steve pathetically stumbled backwards as Natasha practically stalked forward towards him like a lioness cornering her prey in the long grass. She was determined. Her senses zeroed in on the soldier before her. Pure, hot anger licking its way from her stare.</p><p>“You had him pinned down. You fought dirty. You cracked the one thing he’d always been scared would break. Even though he’s always cocky about it-“ she waved her arms like jazz hands, carelessly imitating Tony’s arrogance, “ <em>‘Oh I’m Tony Stark, of course the reactor’s stable. It’s perfect. It’s indestructible. It’s my most prized possession you all wished you owned.’</em> But that stunt wasn’t necessary!”</p><p>Natasha’s voice echoed over the yard and she lunged at Steve with nothing but steel brute force and shoved him to the ground!</p><p>The air was knocked out of his chest and he coughed and sputtered, but could no sooner recover as he felt his chest pierced with the heel of Nat’s boot, pinning him down. She leered at him with a disgusted sneer. The sun cast a dark shadow over her face and set her hair ablaze.</p><p>Steve felt so terrified.</p><p>“And the sickest part, Rogers, was the fact that you didn’t even hesitate. Did you even <em>see</em> how scared he looked? Openly Wounded. Broken and betrayed. You had the upper hand. You could have stopped. I saw it. And yet… The <em>'honourable'</em> and good Captain America outnumbered a man and, despite being in a suit of armour—that you ultimately broke anyway so don’t spill that 'indestructible' bullshit crap to me! – beat him like a deranged animal and just had to get the final blow. You just had to weaken the already wounded, huh?” she spat.</p><p>“Who are you, Rogers? Who are you?” Natasha shook her head in disappointment.</p><p>All Steve could do was stay frozen under her hold and take every sting. Every furious word she flung his way. And he once again felt like garbage as another close friend learnt the truth of his actions.</p><p>“The Steve, who I thought wanted a friend, wouldn’t have done that. Dark side or not.”</p><p>That hurt him. It struck at his heart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What do you want me to be?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A friend would be nice.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tears stung his eyes. Regret pounded into him like a flood. It choked him. It drowned him in bitterness of his guilt.</p><p>Natasha crouched down and continued to glare at Steve with all the venomous poison imaginable. She locked his arms in a stronghold at his sides, “I thought you embraced the values that you represented: to be a fair and just man. And it wasn’t the Red Skull that was trying to take Barnes away this time, it was Tony. Although, now that I think about it, the red might have confused you, huh?”</p><p> Another jab. Another sting. </p><p>“Nat, just- <em>please</em>” he begged, “I don’t-“</p><p>“You had Tony’s trust and he <em>loved</em> you. He worshipped you since he could talk and read, and you reward him- you plague him with thoughts like this…”</p><p>She pushed off of Steve and stood straight. He remained on the ground, not sure of what would happen.</p><p>Natasha contorted her face in a state of confusion and fear. Her eyes were wide and glossy.</p><p>“ <em>‘Bucky killed my parents’</em> “ she whispered.</p><p>A sickening feeling sunk deep into the pit of Steve’s stomach. He watched helplessly as Natasha re-enacted that fateful day- throwing Steve’s guilt into his face.</p><p>It pulverized him. </p><p>“Natasha…” he croaked out, the tears stinging his eyes, “You know I didn’t want-“</p><p>But she ignored him. She wanted Steve to feel her anger. She wanted him to know how much he not only hurt Tony, but how he hurt their friendship.</p><p>" <em>‘No – no, it was the <strong>Winter Soldier</strong> that killed my parents. Tony, remember he was brainwashed- But - but I saw my mom cry out. I saw her get <strong>strangled</strong> by the broken best friend Steve was so desperate to find. So desperate to protect. Wait- wait a minute… Steve…’</em> ” Natasha whips her head to glare at him.</p><p>“He then turns to you, Rogers. He turns to look at you and so desperately wishes <em>‘Please don’t let it be true. Please don’t let it be true’</em> "</p><p>"<em> 'Did you know?’</em> he asks you. He’s broken and the only thing that can make or break him further is the next few words that come out of your mouth.”</p><p>Natasha is merciless.</p><p>Her words bite. Her gaze bites at Steve’s soul.</p><p>“Short answer – <strong>yes!</strong>” she yells, “ <em>'Steve knew. Steve knew for a <strong>year</strong> and he didn’t think to tell me. To give me that right. No matter how fucked up my life was at that point, his honesty…just telling me would have eased another blow added to the life and times of Anthony Edward Stark.'</em> ”</p><p>Her face changes.</p><p>Steve looks on as Natasha changes her face to a look mixed with shock, anger and determination, “ <em>‘Wait- wait Barnes is still here—why is Steve holding me back? Steve let me get to him!’</em> <strong>BANG!</strong> Repulsors blaze and fire. Countless blows and punches. <em>'Why isn’t Steve stopping?'</em> ”</p><p>Natasha becomes scared and Steve is catapulted there again.</p><p>He sees himself battling Tony. He sees the armour, but now he sees the man underneath. Nat’s voice carries in the background as he’s forces to relive a nightmare that will always be with him.</p><p>“ <em>‘I didn’t kill Barnes! Steve just <strong>stop</strong>, I’m so scared now!’</em> "</p><p>Her voice rises with panic and the tears fall from Steve’s face as the images fill his mind.</p><p>“Another punch. Just red alarms inside the helmet. <em>‘Steve stop! I’m backing up!'</em> Punch. Blow to the side. Punch. Blow. Over and <em>over</em>  and <strong>over!</strong><em> 'F.R.I.D.A.Y? F.R.I.D.A.Y, it won’t stop! I have to do something! What the fuck, Barnes is up?!' </em>A back beating. Front beating.<em> 'I can’t do this anymore. Barnes is passed out again.'</em> Boom!"</p><p>“Nat- <em>please!</em> You have to believe me. You have to believe that I wanted to tell him, I-” Steve tries to get up, pleading futilely, “Please, <strong>please</strong> I can’t lose him! I can’t! Natasha, I-“</p><p>“<strong>BOOM!</strong>” As her howl echoes once again over the field, Natasha punches Steve to the ground again.</p><p>“<em> ‘I’m on the floor. Everything hurts! Okay Steve, you have me pinned. I’m tired. I’m raising my hands. Steve’s not stopping! <strong>Steve’s not stopping!</strong> I get it, it’s over! Steve, I <strong>get it!</strong> I’ll apologize, I know I fucked up! F.R.I.D.A.Y, oh God-oh God-‘</em> ”</p><p>“Stop Nat, please! Please stop! Please stop... Please stop! Please- no!” Steve curls into a ball and tries to shut out the words. He tries to shut out the memory of what he did to Tony.</p><p>“<em> ‘Steve wait-!' </em><strong>CRACK.</strong> <em>‘It’s - it's in my chest. It’s – Steve, why did you-? He just left…’ </em>”</p><p>Natasha glared, stone-faced at the captain on the ground. “You left him!” she hissed, “You left him alone with an armour barely functional.”</p><p>But Steve gave no indication that he was listening. His eyes were glazed over. His mind was far away. It was trapped between that memory and the present.</p><p>“ <em>‘I was wrong to be naïve. And I was wrong about you.’</em> ”</p><p>Steve was ninety-nine percent sure that statement was coming more from Natasha than Tony’s voice. When he looked up, he could see the steel in her eyes.</p><p>Yeah… he could hear it under her impression of Tony: “I was wrong about you too, Steve Rogers”.</p><p>The atmosphere changed. The air around them held its breath. The wind still carried fizzles of tension. But it settled down to a beat of silence. A beat of peace. The last of the adrenaline had drained out of Nat.</p><p>Steve remained on the grass, his chest shaking with each breath he took in.</p><p>Her head bowed and her eyes looking down deep into some forgotten time long ago, Natasha turned and walked back towards the cabin.</p><p>She called once more over her shoulder, “If you didn’t realize, I was the one who sent the message.”</p><p>Her footsteps were the only sound humming around Steve’s head. He remained on the dirt and grass, but then… <em>something changed. </em></p><p>Something inside Steve boiled over like hot, blood lava and flooded his body. </p><p>A fierce determination overcame him. He stood back up, tall and ready.</p><p>“Natalia Romanova!”</p><p>She halted in place.</p><p>Steve continued calling out to her frozen form, high on adrenaline, “You know as well as I do that you could’ve told Tony as well. <strong>You knew!</strong> That day in that bunker with Zola? You figured it out. So why didn’t you tell him?”</p><p>Her back still faced him. Steve’s breathing started to pick up slowly. This wasn’t the first time he challenged Nat, but given their recent conversations, he didn’t want to take any further chances. There was a part of him that was still scared.</p><p>He saw how her head cocked to the side.</p><p>She was considering her options. Calculating…</p><p>And then, her shoulders slumped, like she finally gave up.</p><p>Natasha turned around. Her eyes were glossy; her expression stating defeat.</p><p>“It wasn’t my place, Steve,” she sighed, a watery smile forming on her face, “Tony and I weren’t that close back then, compared to now. And either way, the conversation would’ve led back to you anyway. So say I told Tony. Then he would’ve confronted you about the lies. He would’ve confronted you about Bucky and it would still hurt no matter who said it.”</p><p>A stray tear escaped her eyes. And she let it fall.</p><p>A shuddering breath collapsed Steve’s stance. He slumped over. Tired.</p><p>The two rogue Avengers stared at each other for an eternity, a thousand thoughts traveling between their eyes.</p><p>Ultimately, Natasha was the first to regain her composure. She breathed in, wiped away her tears and straightened herself.</p><p>“I think it’s best you leave now, Steven Rogers,” she stated, her entire form guarded once again. “I don’t ever want to see him like that again,” she continued, “So please leave now... Please.”</p><p>Her voice was paper-thin. It wavered softly, but Steve heard it. And he felt something twist in his gut at the sadness she felt. The sadness he caused.</p><p>“Nat, I-“</p><p>“Please-“ she stopped him, raising her palm in the air. It clenched into a fist, her hand shaking with the force of her anger that she held back.</p><p>“Don’t say anything, Steve. I thought I did the right thing letting you and Barnes escape, but…”</p><p>Another despairing sigh.</p><p>Steve’s despondent voice broke the silence, “Tony’s not ready to see me then… is he?” He looked up. Natasha’s eyes were difficult to read.</p><p>“Has he told you about Obadiah? Obadiah Stane?” was all that she replied. He heard the accusation in her voice. Steve heard the disappointment.</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>Her hiss stung at him as she spoke for the last time, “That should answer your question about how he feels, once people he trusts betrays him like that!”</p><p>She stalked off without a second glance back. Her footsteps were the only sound that echoed in her ears as she reached the cabin.</p><p>The door slammed shut with a <strong><em>BANG!</em> </strong>and Nat crumpled to the floor, her chest heaving in erratic breaths.</p><p>She cradled her head in her hands, breathing in deep and slow. But a few dry coughs and wines escaped her throat. For the first time in a long time, her heart and her buried emotions were completely uncontrollable.</p><p>The seconds passed as she tried to stop her head spinning.</p><p>All that anger, the shock and the sadness at what Tony had to discover in that bunker, and what had happened to him afterwards… she felt everything then and there. And Natasha was so confused, because how would she ever be able to see Steve Rogers in the same light as she did before?</p><p>A few stray tears slipped over her cheeks. She sniffled quietly, hoping not to attract attention and worry her friend inside, but she soon felt a weight beside her. She immediately knew Tony was next to her, trying to console her as best he could.</p><p>And she loved him <em>so much</em> for that.</p><p>Wiping her tears away, a few more ungraceful sniffles wrecking her nose, she looked to her friend. Tony tried for a flimsy smile. And she found herself smirking back.</p><p>Well, it was more of a grimace.</p><p>Standing up, he held out his hand to help Nat back up on to her feet.</p><p>“The couch is more comfortable.”</p><p>She sighed, giving him a dry look. He stared right back, unwavering.</p><p>“Let me take care of my sister,” was all Tony murmured. His gaze was true.</p><p>Nat’s heart skipped a beat. She did nothing but stare blankly for a couple more seconds. Her eyes were so confused. <em>‘Really?’</em> they seemed to cry out. So lost.</p><p>Tony nodded, his hand still outstretched. Natasha’s hand shook gently as she reached out, but once their hands connected, it was a warm and steady weight- the two of them grounding each other. It felt good to her. Safe. </p><p>Once they both became comfortable on the couch, she never unclasped herself from Tony’s hug. He gave good hugs; no-one really got close enough to know that about him- except for his small-found family. Nat was thankful she got to see that.</p><p> ‘As a matter of fact…’ she thought.</p><p>Her brows furrowed.</p><p>“Tony?” she asked softly.</p><p>“Mmhm?” his voice was groggy after being so silent and questionably invested in Alice in Wonderland. They both knew they needed time to go through their own thoughts, but they needed each other to not fall too deep.</p><p>Nat sat up and faced him. And she actually got a good look at Tony.</p><p>She saw the laughter wrinkles at his eyes and how the dark circles faded because of the good night’s sleeps he’d been having. Nat saw how much fuller his face was; not so sunken in anymore. He was <em>happy</em>. And she loved that.</p><p>So, it crushed her deep inside that she had to take away some of that happiness with her next question.</p><p>She sighed deeply. With her lips pursed, she finally spoke, “Tony… you obviously knew that I knew about Barnes and your parents. You figured it out… So <em>why</em> did you give me a chance to become your friend?”</p><p>Her guard was down.</p><p>Her walls broke down.</p><p>It was all pure and honest uncertainty awaiting Tony’s response. It took everything in her not to bolt from that couch. She focused on her breathing. She focused on calming her erratic heartbeat.</p><p>Tony said nothing for a bit. He slouched forward, his elbows resting on his thighs and his chin resting on his folded hands. </p><p>He stared out into space. For a few moments, the tension rose and fell in pulsing waves in the air. It pushed and pulled while the calm tried to quench it.</p><p>Finally, Tony turned to Nat, his brown eyes soft and clear. His energy was calm and peaceful; she could not understand it. And then… that smirk appeared!</p><p>That half-lip devilishly smug smile that was all Tony Stark! It was the smirk that told people he’d figured out something before they could (like the genius he was) and that he was trying not to let his arrogance come through – although everyone knew he purposefully did it and enjoyed it!</p><p>Nat scoffed irritably, “If you’re going to just insult me, I wouldn’t!”</p><p>Remaining quiet, he swiftly leaned towards her and gave her a chaste peck on her cheek! It left Nat completely dumbstruck! She shook her head rapidly, trying to comprehend it, but was left with nothing. Tony giggled beside her and gently cradled both of her hands in his.</p><p>“Nat,” he smiled fondly, “it was because you asked me something that no-one on the team had ever asked me before.”</p><p>Her expression turned quizzical.</p><p>“<em>Was I alright?</em>” Tony clarified, “You were the only one who asked me, in between all the chaos, if I was alright.”</p><p>Her gaze immediately softened.</p><p>She squeezed his hands reassuringly as Tony continued, “Steve had moved out, the team was divided and Ross was on my ass 24/7- I just couldn’t find a break! But then… <strong>you</strong> were on my side. And you asked me if I was alright when I was pretty sure a numb left arm was close to a heart attack!”</p><p>He laughed lightly, but Nat remembered that day.</p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t give you a hug then, Antoshka,” she murmured.</p><p>Tony shook his head absently, “Wasn’t your fault. Point is, you tried to keep us all together. You went to see Steve, you tried to help me convince him at the airport and yes… you let him go. But looking at it now, it wouldn’t have been the best option to have him locked up. You were just looking out for a friend.”</p><p>He gave a hopeful smile. She smiled back at him.</p><p>“I knew you were scared about telling me, but I guess standing with me during our Civil War was proof enough that you were trying. And that was more than what Steve was giving me at that point. So I appreciate all you did for me Nat- not just then, but- but these past few weeks too.”</p><p>Natasha engulfed him in the biggest hug she could muster! Holding him close to feel his heart beat. To feel this new bond formed between them. It was wonderful. <em>Tony</em> was wonderful! </p><p>Sudden tears began to cloud Nat’s vision. Still holding him close, her croaked voice whispered shakily, “Why didn’t you tell me about Siberia?”</p><p>Tony stilled within her arms. Natasha was sure that he could feel her own tears fall like raindrops in his hair, but she couldn’t care less.</p><p>It punched her heart and chest hollow. She couldn’t even take in air when she saw the footage from Tony’s helmet.</p><p>Steve… that pain Tony had to keep to himself all this time. It-</p><p>Her body shivered as she exhaled. Tony was still silent. A beat of silence passed.</p><p>“I didn’t want anyone to think any different about him,” Tony murmured against her chest, “Whoever I told would be after him with Ross right behind. And I didn’t want you to think any different of your friend.” He lifted his head and looked to her, shrugging sheepishly.</p><p>“I’m glad F.R.I.D.A.Y showed them though. Especially Barton,” Nat replied. Tony’s brows furrowed.</p><p>“Why Barton?” he asked, confused.</p><p>“He called me a few days before the gala asking if I’d already told you that he’d been wanting to apologize to you,” she explained, “and he confessed the crude, hurtful remarks he bit at you that day when Steve’s side was contained.”</p><p>Tony’s expression cleared in understanding as he processed her words. He couldn’t help another smug grin from forming on his face, though.</p><p>“So you wanted your own spy twin to apologize to me?” he teased her mockingly with his voice rising an octave in astonishment!</p><p>“Why, Little Red, I’m <em>flattered!</em>”</p><p>She shoved him back lightly, laughing herself. “Well you deserve it!” she chuckled heartily, “Both an apology and that shove, I mean.”</p><p>“Aw, Nat- that’s sweet! But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone <em>how much you</em> <strong><em>wuv</em></strong> <em>me</em>,” Tony teased right back.</p><p>He regretted that decision not a moment later when Natasha pounced on him and started tickling him viciously!</p><p>“Ah! <em>Nat!</em> You- <em>Hahaha!</em> – You can’t keep using this- <em>Hahaha ha!</em> – this against me! Aahh! Mercy!” Tony wriggled and squirmed like a flying fish on deck as Natasha continued her onslaught of tickling!</p><p>They were a pile of limbs heaped on each other as they caught their breath a moment later.</p><p>Nat positioned herself to lie against the armrest of the couch with Tony’s head resting on her stomach. She absent-mindedly carded her fingers gently through his hair.</p><p>A few more seconds and Tony would’ve fallen asleep, but right at that moment, a message alert came up on his Starkpad.</p><p>Untangling himself from Nat, he sat up and gripped the IPad to read the newest email.</p><p>His body instantly froze up. His blood ran cold.</p><p>“Antoshka?” Nat tickled the shell of his ear lightly. It always worked to get Tony out of his own head.</p><p>“What’s wrong, Tones?”</p><p>He said nothing.</p><p>He stretched out his arm to Natasha to show the email that was sent not even one minute ago. Her eyes went over it briskly. It was from Pepper.</p><p>And the subject of the email was chilling.</p><p><em>‘Tony,’</em> it read, <em>‘Ross knows that Natasha is in the states. He had a spy implanted in Stark Industries who bypassed F.R.I.D.A.Y’s security plan and accessed all archived emails about the Accords, even from months ago. He’d found one deleted email between you and King T’Challa saying that</em> ‘N.R is safe’.</p><p>
  <em>There are only so many N.R’s that have been in SI’s history, so he must’ve connected it to Natasha. Thankfully, F.R.I.D.A.Y sent a red-alert to Happy once the spy was out of her system, but the attached mails had already been sent to Ross. You have to get moving <strong>now!</strong> Happy will arrive to take you both to Switzerland – their privacy is the best there is. Natasha will be safe there.’ </em>
</p><p>The rest of the email contained the finer details about Nat’s passport, what time Happy would arrive and what Tony will have to state to Ross and the press.</p><p>It all crashed down on them.</p><p>Tony was shaking violently beside her. Almost like his entire body was forced to hold back a train. You didn’t see the shaking… you didn’t see the fear while he was in his suit. But Natasha saw it then- the fear of what could happen, his guilt, the possibilities, the outcomes he predicted in his head showing all the ways he would be responsible for Natasha’s death.</p><p>It broke her, every time. More and more-- when Tony succumbed to these deprecating thoughts.</p><p>She gripped his shoulders tightly and turned his whole body to face her.</p><p>“Tony,” she began sternly, “No matter what happens, everything will be fine- you must trust me. But we need to get ready, now! Happy will be here in an hour and a half, so we have to be ready. Okay?”</p><p>She shook him lightly to get him out of his reverie. Tony blinked rapidly and refocused his eyes on Natasha.</p><p>“You’re – you’re right. Yes, I- I’m sorry. I…”</p><p>Nat became even more worried as his words trailed off. She searched his eyes; searched for answers.</p><p>This time, when Tony looked to her, his eyes were mesmerizingly hypnotic.</p><p>They were deep pools of hazel brown which spoke a million words the best writer could not even put down on paper.</p><p>It made her understand. It made Natasha understand why he was saying all this now.</p><p>“I <strong>am</strong> <em>really sorry,</em> Nat,” the sincerity in his eyes and in his husk voice cemented her.</p><p>“Having to run and plan ahead. Plan ahead each day. To continuously be one step ahead of Ross the entire time! I-“</p><p>“Hey, hey, it’ll be okay,” she soothed him gently, “It’s okay. I’m gonna be fine, Kotynok, you’ll see. And who knows? Maybe I’ll even drag Steve along for the ride just so I can slap him again!”</p><p>That earned a huge guffaw from Tony!</p><p>Natasha smiled warmly and mentally applauded herself at cheering him up.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure the people of <strong>Brazil</strong> heard the echo of that slap!” Tony chuckled.</p><p>“Oh, come here, you little Kotynok!” she pulled him into her arms.</p><p>“I’m not that little, Miss Rushman!” he garbled indignantly.</p><p>“Oh, of course not, Antoshka,” she petted his head comfortingly. Tony rolled his eyes, but their banter soothed him- it helped him focus more on the hope that things would turn out alright in the end.</p><p>Nat let a few tears slip, however.</p><p>She’ll have to leave.</p><p>Get a new makeover, a new identity… the works.</p><p>But she knows Tony will have that ready in no time.</p><p>Beautiful Tony…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Agent Romanoff, you miss me?’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to miss you loads, Tony,” her trembles start before her tears fall, “I’m gonna miss you so much.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You have no idea how much fun I had writing that fight scene between Steve and Natasha!  😈 <br/>Remember, this story is mainly focused on my IronWidow brotp and it isn't really Team Cap friendly, but I gave them some sympathy - that's gotta count for something right? 😅 So, of course I wanted Nat to be on Tony's side, because their friendship really is so pure to me and I wanted to explore it more in here. </p><p>The last chapter will be my epilogue and my acknowledgements and after that - it's on to more stories!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The aftermath.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been a year since the events of Steve Rogers’ civil war.</p><p>Tony Stark is steadily picking up the pieces of his life with his family by his side. Peter is the gift Tony never thought he’d be able to receive. Pepper Potts is his miracle. And his Honey Bear, Rhodey, will always come visit more frequently in between Air Force duties.</p><p>Politics has never been easy, though. Tony had been trying 24/7 for the Rogue Avengers’ appeal, but it’s like trying to get to Hogwarts through Platform 11.</p><p>Steve was a subject he was, albeit, still hesitant of.</p><p>Tony still loved him, that was for certain. And he wasn't sure he'd ever <em>stop</em> loving the man. </p><p>But he was just really, <em>really </em>scared to call Steve. And he couldn't explain why.</p><p>Steve said to call if Tony needed him. And Tony swore to God, he picked up that phone so many times during the day, it was crazy! </p><p>A message came through wishing Tony a happy birthday. And Tony almost rang him, but he chickened out and just shut it off. But it never left his side. </p><p>Even though Tony was scared, he promised himself to be brave enough and call Steve one day, maybe even when his and the rest of the rogue's appeal was finished. </p><p>Tony sometimes wondered if Steve was ever just as scared to call.</p><p>‘Probably not,’ he’d always reason with himself, ‘He has no reason to be scared to call someone hopeless like me.’</p><p>Nat would talk about him sometimes whenever she’d call in every few weeks.</p><p>Whether she’d seen him in Switzerland or in some other part of Europe. She would always promise Tony that she was telling the truth when she says, ‘Steve misses you Tones.’</p><p>He’d be blushing beet-red and Nat would know it!</p><p>“But do you miss me, Little Red?” he’d banter back to her.</p><p>“Of course Antoshka! You’re my little kotynok! And I can practically hear the AC/DC music through the phone.”</p><p>“Well, you’re in luck! F.R.I.D.A.Y? Kick it!”</p><p>And through the music blasting through his lab, the best sound to Tony would always be Nat’s laughter rolling through the phone’s speaker.</p><p>He’d never given much thought about it, but who would’ve thought it themselves?</p><p>Tony had a sister looking out for him all this time.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See what I did there? Above, for the epilogue?😏😏 It's the same as my book description! I wanted to end off so sneakily and well-rounded, so the story goes kind of full-arc.🤓<br/>Let me know if I got the desired effect! </p><p>BUT OH. MY. GOSH!!! I can't believe I finally finished my first ever major fic! 😱😭 </p><p>I feel so emotional, oh my gosh😭😭❤️❤️<br/>5 months of working on this project and it's finally finished. </p><p>I also feel quite proud of myself - I was going through a lot at the time when I started this to essentially cope with my troubles in life, but I never imagined I would grow to love this fanfic so much!<br/>I just want to thank all of you who've been reading so far and been leaving kudos and such sweet comments💙 it really also kept me going, so thank you!</p><p>I just can't believe my first ever baby is finally complete and is going out into the world!😭❤️</p><p>This fanfiction will always hold a special place in my heart and I hope many of you enjoy it further.</p><p>Thank you so much!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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